Seasons Of Love
by His Singer1
Summary: Summer, Spring,Winter, And Fall. She's The Reason The bird sings and the sun shines,They meet each season and its full of love but one winter she never shows and he's left cold until she comes back bringing the warmth he seeks. can he trust her to stay?
1. Love Season

**Re posting With Betaed Chapters.**

**Still Don't Own Twilight.**

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><p>He gets up grateful to live another day and going through his morning rituals. He gets a cup of coffee and goes to sit by the window like every morning. He drinks his coffee humming along to a tune in his head while he waits anxiously to catch a glimpse of what brought him to the window.<p>

It's fall and the wind is blowing strong, making the leaves on the ground flutter in the air. He likes to look at each leaf with their different colors. He then straightens up as he hears the clicking of heels on the pavement. This is what he was waiting for.

He watches the young lady walk by and his stomach flutters. He's hopelessly enchanted by her and her walk looks like poetry in motion. He watches as the wind blows red curls of hair around her face. She tries to push them back but the wind gets stronger and blows even harder. The leaves swirl round and round and her hair is up in the air and she looks like a goddess of fall with the color of the leaves making a pretty backdrop around her.

_WINTER_

He sees her again walking fluidly, the wind biting at her face. She's bundled up for the cold weather, rosy cheeks and pink chapped lips, flame red hair squished under a hat and delicate hands covered in gloves. It's winter, the coldest season ever, and she still makes it looks beautiful.

_SPRING_

The days go by and the season changes but his routine doesn't. He still sits at the window, sipping his coffee, waiting and watching. The air is warm and still, with flowers blooming and new green sprouts from the trees as the sun shines down, but sometimes the earth is drenched with water falling from the sky, making it more beautiful. And then she comes, smiling and skipping happily down the street. She's the sunshine to his day, wearing a yellow sundress with lilies adorning her hair.

_SUMMER_

The heat of the day gets to him and instead of coffee, he's sipping fresh cold water. Yes, he's still at the window waiting for her to walk by, and he waits and waits but she never comes. It unsettles him and he wonders what kept her. The best part of his day is watching her and he can't imagine his life without it. He decides to wait some more in case she comes… Still no sign of her and without thinking about it, he leaves his spot from the window and walks outside.

The heat hits him on full blast and he's tempted to go back in the cool sanctuary of his house but he allows his feet to guide him down the steps and down the street. As he walks, he looks around hoping to see a sign of her, all to no avail. Disappointed, he's about to give up when he catches a flash of flaming red hair. His stomach flutters in anticipation and he walks forward to see and there she is but she's not alone. She's surrounded by men eager for her attention. She's full of laughs and smiles and it hurts to see that maybe she's taken.

He's never got a full glimpse of her face and seeing it up close is so rewarding, to see the dimples in her cheeks when she smiles and to see her honey brown eyes twinkling with amusement. She takes his breath away and claims his heart once again but this time she has the whole piece. He stands watching when the men walk away from her disappointed. He feels stupid just standing there so he begins to leave when she catches him staring. He freezes afraid of what she will say but she smiles and speaks.

"Are you going to approach me or not?" she asks in a lilting voice.

He's surprised and confused. Why would he approach her? He only meant to watch and admire, not to approach.

She's waiting for his answer but he's preoccupied with something else. Her smile, as beautiful as it is, makes his heart hurt. Her smile does not seem happy and it seems fake and forced. He looks in her eyes, seeing something he would have missed otherwise. He sees sadness and it's eating her up.

"You're not happy," he blurts without thinking.

It's her turn to be surprised and for a second the mask slips but then she has it back up.

"Oh, and why wouldn't I be happy?" she asks.

He doesn't know how but he sees the sadness so he tells her.

"I can tell you're not happy because the birds are not singing and the sun's shine is dim," he explains.

She stares back, confused.

"You're the reason the birds sing and the reason the sun shines. You're the reason the seasons seem beautiful to me," he explains further, hoping he doesn't scare her off.

"Why?" she asks.

"Because you're love," he replies simply.

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><p>She walks with quiet beauty<p>

Across the world of men

They bow down at her feet

Wanting her hand

She's not to be pursued

But admired from afar


	2. Coldest Winter Ever

** So i decided to make this longer**

**I Have no claim on these characters or twilight**

**Point Of Views Will Change**

**So the first chapter was just an introduction and this is the prologue which we will come back to eventually **

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><p><strong> Prologue<strong>

It was the coldest winter ever but yet he waited, he would always wait for her. Even with all the layers he wore the cold seeped through and chilled him to the bones but it was worth it to him.

Her love would be enough to warm his soul and it would be love like winter.

He should have known better oh how he should have known. He wanted to believe she would never be this mean. She never kept him waiting long and he should have paid more attention over the past weeks.

Maybe there was signs he missed and unspoken signals, he knew she was just learning to be loved. She was just accepting that she could be loved and to lean on someone.

So why did she leave? Why did she leave him cold with no warmth or explanation?

Did heartbreak have to hurt this much? Why did he have to fall in love?

He avoided love at any costs until she walked by his window and now this is where she left him.

Unbearable pain he felt like he was breaking in pieces and only if she came back and put him together.

Love was pure like the first snowfall until someone comes and makes it impure.

He gave her his heart and it felt like she took it with her, he was an empty shell.

He tried not to think back to when it became velar to him that she wasn't coming back. If only he thought if he only he didn't go to her house, if only he didn't see an empty space. No traces, no remnants of her lingered and it was like she never existed.

How could love not exist?

He was winter cold, heart like ice and one more move and it could shatter.

He sat in silence

There were no giggles or laughs, there were no good times

No color just a blank canvas of hurt and more hurt

He couldn't stand to look out the window, there was no reason to.

He boarded up the window shrouding him in darkness

It was the coldest winter ever.

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><p><strong>I'm aiming for Friday Or Weeknd Updates<strong>

**This will be HEA But will be a slow burn**


	3. Simple Things

**Edward**

**Fall 2000**

The air was filled with sounds of laughing children and dog's barking and the creak of swings being used. I watched as the wind swirled the leaves on the ground and the squirrels scurried from tree to tree. They were all sights to behold but my main focus was on her. She was playing around with some children, making a pile of leaves and then jumping in them. This simple act unleashed one of my favorite sounds in the world. Her laugh was like music composed of happiness and that made me happy.

She saw me watching and beckoned me forward but I declined, I was having so much fun watching her with the kids. A thought of us having kids someday entered and left my mind quickly. It would be too early for her. I needed to take this one step at a time. She left the kids and came towards me, taking my hand and tugging me along. Her face was flushed from excitement and her red curls were all over the place. I liked seeing her this way, happy and wanting to be happy. She deserved happiness.

We played and laughed the afternoon away, enjoying the day. We were cold and warm at the same time. I took her to my favorite diner and we had hot soup and tea. We ate and drank and laughed some more. We shared cherry pie for dessert and I let her eat the last piece. She got some sauce on her lips and I wiped it off with my fingers. This simple act turned the mood serious, charged with tension and nervousness. I leaned forward automatically, watching her the whole time. Her eyes were wide with apprehension and she unconsciously licked her lips in anticipation and leaned forward. I waited with bated breath and then it was over. She leaned back in her seat, looking everywhere but me. I knew better to not push the subject anymore. It would take time before she was ready to do those simple things.

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><p>We left the diner holding hands comfortably. She was chatting happily about her day, telling me that she had really enjoyed herself. I was a mile away, contemplating and thinking. I wanted her to stay over at my house but didn't know how to broach the topic. She squeezed my hand, gently bringing me back to the present. I looked around. We had walked back to the park and were standing by the bench. She said she didn't want the day to end so soon and asked if I would like to stay out a minute more. I smiled and said yes, wanting nothing more than to spend every minute with her. We sat on the bench, gazing at the stars in silence. I watched her, the way her eyes sparkled, and counted every breath she took. I watched her pink lips and thought about how soft they looked, wanting nothing more than to see for myself. We got up to leave and before I could speak, she told me that she had a great time and that she would see me tomorrow. She squeezed my hand and kissed my cheek, walking away. I touched my face where she kissed me, feeling warm and fuzzy all over.<p>

I met her at the park again the next day but this time she wanted to go see a movie. We walked to the cinema and I let her pick out the movie to watch. We sat in the cinema, holding hands, enjoying the movie. We ate popcorn and shared a large soda. I was more engrossed in watching her. She knew the movie and mouthed every single word and she laughed and smiled a lot. She sang along to every song encouraging me to join her. I would do anything just to see the happiness radiating from her like this. When the movie got to the sad part, I watched her cry silently, shouting along with the character for someone to help. She sobbed loudly as the young character watched his father fall to his death. She put her head on my shoulder and let me comfort her.

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><p>I wanted to cheer her up so I took her to a carnival we stumbled upon. We played endless games and I won her a stuffed lion which she named Mufasa. We bought a large funnel cake to share and it turned into another simple act just like at the diner. She had powdered sugar all over her mouth and when I pointed it out, she giggled and licked some off of her lips. I shifted in my seat, feeling aroused at the sight. I wanted to kiss her and I knew it would not happen but she surprised me. She leaned forward and then touched her lips to mine. It sent a bolt of shock through my body. It was sweet and intense. She tasted like powdered sugar and cotton candy. Her lips were so soft and I nibbled on her bottom lip which made her moan loudly. She ended it before it went too far but she had a smile on her face the whole time after that. I think my smile rivaled hers. She finally let me walk her home and when we got to the door, I lingered, feeling uncertain. There was an awkward pause, like what you get on first dates.<p>

She smiled. "I had the most amazing time today," she said softly.

"Amazing doesn't even describe it," I replied.

She nodded. "So, I would like to see you again but... as my boyfriend," she said, looking down.

It was like in movies, fireworks erupted and cheesy happy music came on, but it was all in my head.

"I would love to see you again as your boyfriend," I said with thick emotion in my voice.

She smiled, serene and content. "Thank you," she said, kissing my lips once more before going inside.

"No, thank you," I said to the still air of the night.

I walked home whistling the whole way.


	4. Being Happy

**Bella**

I close the door with a smile so big; humming the tune to tomorrow I walk up the steps to my bedroom and plop down on the bed. I think of the past few weeks spent with Edward and I feel light with joy. It's been a whole since I felt this way, my life was never filled with happiness and I could never remember being this happy except when I was with my ex-boyfriend Jacob until he left me. I was convinced I wasn't meant to be happy.

I guess in the begging I was happy, I had a family and friends that loved me (or so I thought) but all happy things must come to an end. I was a happy kid with loving parents (or so I thought) I had a few close friends (or so I thought) until it all came crashing down that fateful night. I'm sure the unhappiness started before that night yes I was sure because it was the reason what happened had happened that night. I shook my head to get rid of those negative thoughts but I could already feel the tears begin to pool in my eyes.

I didn't want to dwell on the negative so I pictured Edward's face and his smile tonight; I replayed the kiss over and over. It was a shock to me to be that brave and kiss him but I liked it very much, I could still taste the powdered sugar and the taste of Edward's lips. He made me feel things and simple acts he did bring me joy. I remember the first time we met, he seemed to already know me and he stood there staring until I spoke. I was used to men approaching me but he kept a distance and he didn't focus on my beauty but he saw past the façade and told me I wasn't happy.

He broke through a layer and made me feel forging feelings that were old but new, he put my feelings first and made me feel special. He became someone I could talk to and then he became my friend, but I wanted more and then I wanted less. I was afraid he would leave like Jacob, I was afraid I wouldn't be enough for him. It was in my mind that I wasn't meant for happily ever after but I was tired of feeling that way. I found someone that could change my situation and I wanted to try to be happy. I needed to remember what being happy felt like.

I drift to sleep with his green eyes smiling at me telling me to be happy. I wake up the next day for the first time with a smile. I wake up with a reason and I like that very much, I shower and dress accordingly and make me a quick breakfast. I leave the house and go to work with happy thoughts; my thoughts are filled with Edward and the prospect that I will see him again but this time as his girlfriend. When I get to work everyone stares at me incredulously but I know why and it doesn't bother me at all.

"Did you finally go insane?" Jane asks me.

I walk in to my work space to see her staring at like I've gone crazy and it makes me laugh.

"Yes she definitely has gone insane" Ben agrees.

"No I'm fine, perfectly fine" I assure them settling down to work.

"Seriously Bella what's gotten to you?" Jane asks coming over to my desk.

"I met a guy over the summer" I explain.

"You meet guys all the time" she says confused.

"This one is different, we hung out a lot and we went on a few dates" I tell her.

She's smiling now "so you like him" she states.

"Of course he's my boyfriend" I reply smiling.

"Boyfriend!" she shouts loud enough for everyone to hear.

A few heads turn in my direction and ben walks over.

"Bella has a boyfriend?" Ben asks.

I sigh "Yes but let's not make a big deal even though it is" I reply.

"I'm happy for you Issy you deserve this" Jane says.

"Yeah you deserve this, when came we meet him?" Ben says.

Ben and Jane are the closest people I know here, they're not really what you would call friends but I can trust them and they make my time worthwhile.

"After work now let me get to work" I say ending the conversation.

The day drags by slowly and I'm counting the minutes until I see Edward again, I imagine him waiting at the park and I run into his arms. He hugs me tightly and I reach up to kiss him and he tells me he missed me as much as I missed him.

I'm rushing to leave when the day is over and almost forget to wait for ben and Jane.

"In a hurry I see "Jane teases.

"Yes it's new and exciting but I'm also afraid that this is all a dream" I tell her honestly.

"Come on Bella let yourself be happy for once" ben says.

We walk in comfortable silence all the way to the park and when I get there and look for him, I'm disappointed I don't see him right away until I hear him call my name. It's soft and musical and I hurry forward to meet him anxious to be in his arms. He meets me halfway and lifts me up in a gentle hug; I met into his embrace and hug him back tightly.

"I missed you" we breathe in unison.

I giggle in relief and he smiles pecking me soft on the lips, I press his lips harder letting him know its okay to kiss me without restraint. We kiss for a few minutes before I remember about ben and Jane. I untangle from the embrace but grab his hand and face my friends.

"Ben and Jane meet Edward, Edward meets ben and Jane" I introduce them.

"You're the one that's got our Bella smiling" ben says reaching to shake his hand.

"Yes and I hope to continue" Edward says.

"She didn't say you were this handsome, she didn't say at all" Jane says hugging Edward.

I roll my eyes and Edward blushes "er thank you" he says.

"Well we need to get going but I would like to get to know you more" Jane says.

"Yes dinner tomorrow night" ben agrees.

"We'll be there" Edward replies.

We watch them walk away "they seem nice" he comments.

"They're wonderful" I say.

"Well I'm glad you're not entirely alone" he says squeezing my hand.

"No, I have you" I reply reaching to kiss him again.

**#####################SOL###############################**

We spend the rest of the day at the park enjoying each other's company and then we head to mc Donald's for dinner. He said he was craving a burger lately and did I mind eating here, he was still nervous around me not wanting to make a mistake. I loved eating here and told him it was fine, we ordered a big mac, fries, and a soda. It's been a while since I tasted greasy foods and biting into the burger was heaven. I told him I would pay for the food but he refused insisting the girlfriend should never pay. We left the restaurant holding hands taking our time, I didn't want the day to end but I had to work tomorrow. He told me he hoped it wasn't too soon but he would like my number to call and talk sometime. I laughed and told him I wouldn't mind at all, I would love to hear his voice over the telephone. I wrote my number on his hand with permanent ink so he would never forget.

He liked the idea of it being permanent and told me he thought of a permanent future with me all the time, it scared me a bit because I couldn't think that far. I didn't want this to end but with my luck it would and I just wanted to enjoy it while I could. I told him that nothing lasts forever and that we should enjoy it until it ends but I know I would never forget him. He changed me in a way. He didn't like what I said telling me its forever but I reminded him nothing last forever because at some point it has to die. He kissed me to make me forget and forget I did but I knew it would come up again.

He walked me to my door saying goodbye and sealing it with a kiss, he told me today was another good day and it was all because of me and that he hoped that I could learn to be happy with him. I know he couldn't understood but I could be happy at the moment until it all comes crashing down. I watched him walk away closing the door. I prayed and hoped that it would always be like this and that the hard parts would never come. I moved to go upstairs when I heard a knock on the door; I was surprised because I didn't know anyone who would come here this late. I opened the door to see a small slender young woman with flowing black hair and the same eye color as me. She was a complete stranger and I contemplated closing the door.

"Can I help you?" I asked politely.

She smiled "are you Isabella?" she asked.

"Yes and who are you?" I relied.

"You look just like her, I'm Alice your sister" was her reply.

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><p><strong>So you got to see inside of Bella's Head, There won't be that much from her point of view but if needed.<strong>

**I'm Hoping to get another chapter out today but we'll see.**

**Also excuse the mistakes this is not yet edited.**

**Follow me on twitter his_singer1**

**Follow my blog for my stories info etc- www dot booksislove dot blogspot dot com**

**If you want to make a thread for this story let me know and if you know any banner makers let me know.**


	5. Not Alone

**Bella**

I stared at her in complete confusion and shock, shock because I knew who she meant and confusion because she knew me but lastly disbelief because I didn't have a sister. I was an only child and still I wouldn't call myself an only child anymore. That title didn't belong to me.

I laughed loudly "you've got the wrong person" I said closing the door.

She stopped the door "wait! I know this must sound crazy and I'm practically a stranger but I really am your sister, we have the same father but different mother and I didn't find out about you or my father until three months ago and I've been trying to track you down" she spoke in a rush.

I felt winded with this new information, my mother and father never had any children besides me and they've been married since high school.

"Yes this is crazy, I have no sister unless my mother became pregnant again which is unlikely" I told her closing the door again. I didn't want to deal with anything concerning my parents, they don't deserve my attention.

"Please just hear me out, I know this is hard with me showing up out of the blue but I have proof" she said.

She took a deep breath "I have proof that Charlie cheated on your mother"

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I shouldn't care about this at all but here I am inviting a stranger into my house, at least I know her name. I stare at her trying to see a resemblance but for the life of me I can't.

"I know I take after my mother" she says when she catches me staring.

"I haven't spoken to my parents in four years and then you show up"

"I know I'm sorry it's just when I found out I wanted to see you, I never had any siblings living with me and this news of a sister it was intriguing"

"What I want to know is how did you find me?"

"Charlie knew where you lived but at first he didn't want to tell me but I have my ways"

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel with this news that Charlie has been keeping tabs on me but I'm angry that after all these years knowing he couldn't contact me. They abandoned me when I needed them the most and they never cared for me but he has the nerve to look me up.

"I'm sorry if I upset you, I wasn't aware that you never knew. I just wanted to see the sister I never knew I had"

I can tell she's hurt by my indifference but what did she expect? I haven't spoken to them in four years and I've spent those four years harboring guilt and a big burden on my shoulder. I've been living with the concept that happiness didn't exist until I met Edward and it was too much already to have these feelings so what was I supposed to feel about having a sister? I was shocked that Charlie would ever cheat, as far as I knew he loved my mother. They didn't love anyone but each other and Charlie didn't seem like the type. There was a lot I didn't know about my parents and I didn't want to know.

"How old are you?"

"The same age as you but you're older, I was told our mothers were pregnant around the same time"

In a typical situation, I would feel anger and sadness for my mother. She was cheated on by the man she loved and never knew but this was different. She didn't care for me so why should I care?

"This is a lot to take in"

"I know listen it's late, I'll give you time to think over it and if you're interesting in getting to know me I'll be staying at the Roosevelt inn but thanks for letting me in"

When she leaves she leaves me with a ton of thoughts and memories, memories I don't want to dwell on. I've worked hard to keep the past in the past where it belongs and I hope Alice coming here doesn't change that.

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><p><strong>Edward<strong>

_Red hair flowing in the wind. A small hand clutching hers. My lover and a child. My lover and a child taking a walk._

I dream of the future; a future with Bella but after talking with her I don't think it will be easy getting there. I know she has a sad past but I don't know the extent of it, I just wish I could take away that sadness. I'll gladly spend my time changing her mind about the future and happily ever after.

They exist not in the same way for everyone but they exist and I'm hoping I will find one with her. When my parents call I have so much to tell them. They knew of my infatuation with Bella before I knew her name, they knew of my longing and they wanted me to forget her and focus on someone else. Someone within my reach as they say it. I'm happy to prove them wrong; they are surprised when I tell them that she's my girlfriend. I tell them of the first time I approached her and she was surrounded by eager men but I was the one to capture her attention.

I tell them of our meetings at the park and the dates we want on but my main praise is how happy she makes me. They know of her beauty buts is her soul and personality that attracts me. They are happy for me and talk of plans to come and visit to see Bella with their own eyes. They proceed to tell me they sold my first ever painting. I'm shocked; those paintings were not meant to be sold. I painted because I loved it and it was something I was good at. They apologize telling me they had the best intentions at heart, my paintings were meant to be seen and admired they argued. I couldn't fault for that and I was grateful they cared so much. They planned to visit in a week with a surprise and we hung up. It would be good to see my parents again; Carlisle and Elizabeth weren't my biological parents. I was adopted with no idea of my real parents, I was left on the steps of the adoption agency and that's how Elizabeth came to adopt me. We weren't related by blood but to me they were my parents through and through.

I thought of Bella meeting my parents and it made me smile, would it be too early for meeting the parents? What was the protocol? I was out of my league here. I should call Bella and ask or maybe to inform her. I hadn't thought about how she would react and now I was nervous. She answered on the first ring sounding cheerful and it made me cheerful despite my dilemma.

"Hello "she said.

"Hello Bella are you busy?"

"Edward! I was wondering when you would call"

I smiled at the fact that she was waiting on my call and she recognized my voice without me telling her.

"I hope I'm not bothering you, I just need to ask you a question"

"Sure"

"Would it be too early for you to meet my parents?"

There was a pause and then "you want me to meet your parents? I would love too!"

I wasn't expecting that answer but she always surprised me, we chatted aimlessly about nothing in particular and she reminded me that we were meeting her friends for dinner soon. I needed to get ready so I ended the call.

I left a few minutes early to meet Bella at the park and we would walk to the diner together. She was already there waiting, a picture of calmness. She looked lovely in her dress pants and blouse. Her body looked huggable and her lips kissable. Now that I've had a taste my favorite part of the day was kissing her. She ran to me giving me a warm embrace and touching my lips at once. I held her tightly prolonging the kiss as it sent heat waves from her lips through my body. My hands roamed aimlessly along her back and down her sides. She was pressed against me so warm and smelling wonderful. It was too warm and I was ready to take the next step but she stopped me before I could go any further.

She grabbed my hand and we hurried to the diner already a few minutes late. Her friends were already seated and were waiting for us before they ordered. They ordered steak and potatoes with a side of salad; I ordered cheese steak and fries with a side of onion rings for me and Bella. While we waited for our food we chatted, Jane wanted to know where I lived and how long have I been living here. They asked me everything from my family to my childhood. When we got to what I did for a living, they were surprised I didn't work. I never thought of working and there was no field that I would like to work in. Bella told them I was a painter but I didn't paint for money and I wouldn't start now.

It was a nice evening and we ended it with making plans for another time. I noticed Bella was quiet and distant on the way back home. She didn't hold my hand and had a strange look in her eyes. It made me nervous as I tried to think of what could be the problem, and all I could think of was something I could have done.

"What is it?" I asked gently but cutting to the chase.

She shook her head "nothing" she replied and smiled.

The smile was off, I knew that smile it was the same smile she had the first time I approached her.

"Bella tell me what's wrong so I can fix it" I pleaded.

Her eyes widened "it's nothing you did" she assured touching my hand.

There was relief but sadness also, something was bothering her and I wanted to know. No I needed to know so I could fix it.

"You can tell me anything"

"It's nothing you should worry about"

"Bella I will worry about you when the time comes, it's what you do when you care about someone and I care about you greatly"

She looked at me with eyes shining with tears but she looked happy "That was the sweetest I ever heard someone say"

"You should hear it all the time"

"Thank you let's not talk about this now, I'll tell you tomorrow but for now take me home with you I don't want to be alone tonight"

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><p><strong>Early Update Thanks to my poet twin 3<strong>


	6. Happy Within

**Edward**

Red curls spilling over the pillow. Soft breaths and heaving chest. Content smile on a perfect face. Wearing my clothes. A picture of perfection. I need to capture this image to make it stay ingrained in my brain forever and when times get hard I can flip back to this image.

Before I know it I have a blank canvas set up and a tray of colors and I'm bringing this image of perfection to life. I still can't believe that she's here with me, really here with me. She looked so sad before and now she's happy and it's all my doing but there is a part of me that will still wonder what made her sad in the first place.

If only she could trust me and tell me, I knew when I really got a glimpse of her she was shrouded in sadness and pain but I didn't know how far it went, yet that wouldn't stop me from making sure it never resurfaces. I finish painting my master piece and fall into bed next to her, she sighs and roll into my side.

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><p><strong>Bella<strong>

I'm bathed in warmth and I smell the scent of man and it's intoxicating. I don't worry about anything else except the feeling of him as I fall asleep. I shut my mind off but the conversation with Edward earlier and the surprise visit from Alice conjures up old memories and they are never happy. I'm transported back in time against my will

_Tears blinding my eyes as my feet guide me out the house and down the steps. No one follows me no one cares at all. This thought brings more tears and I rush to the car not caring where I was headed, just knowing I needed to get away from here._

_Driving through dark streets with hazy vision and a broken heart, down a long winded road. With each mile I fly away from my problems_

_The headlights flash over a running figure on the road_

_I hear the brakes_

_My heart beating_

_The screech of tires_

_I see red and black_

_I see mangled_

_I hear a scream_

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><p><strong>Edward<strong>

I hear a blood curling cry and I feel the warmth thrashing around, we're a tangle of limbs as I try to calm her down. She fights against me screaming over and over and each scream pierces my heart. I get a hold of her and pull her to my chest and I reassure her over and over until she stops screaming but the tears still stream down her face. I rock her back and forth letting her know it was only a dream and it can't hurt her while she's with me. I'm just guessing I have no idea what just happened but I need to take away the pain.

I make her a cup of warm tea and wait until she's ready to talk but the more time passes and the silence stretches I'm afraid of the unknown even more. How can I protect her when I don't know what I'm protecting her from? I sit on the bed next to her and gently try to pry the truth from her. She folds in on herself and doesn't speak. I try again all to no avail, looking at her so small and fragile and broken while I'm helpless breaks my heart and I'm angry. Angry at whatever is hurting her and angry at her. I thought we had a break through when she asked to stay but now she's back to hiding.

"Please Bella for my sake and yours speak to me!" I plead losing my patience.

She flinches when I touch her shoulder and it hurts more than I can convey.

Finally she speaks "I idolized my parents thought the best of them, they were my heroes" she whispers. I don't speak waiting for her to finish.

"They loved me too or so I thought, they really didn't want me I was a mistake child that ruined their life and they pretended otherwise. I was hurt when I found out but I wanted them to love me you know I tried so hard but it didn't matter"

"They pretended I didn't exist and sometimes treated me like an orphan, I felt like Cinderella at times and they treated me that way. I had an escape at school with my friends but that went away all too quickly and I learned I had no real friends"

She was crying again and when I went to comfort her she didn't shy away from my touch but she embraced it. She clung to me and continued her story.

"I didn't have a happy life and I gave up thinking I could and I settled for whatever came my way but I want happiness and I want it with you even if I don't deserve you"

Her words touched my core and I felt anger towards her parents for making her feel this way. I told her about my parents and how I was adopted, I was basically an orphan but that didn't matter because Carlisle and Elizabeth were the best I could hope for. We were the same, my parents didn't want me but I had found parents who did. She didn't need her parents to make her happy, happiness came from within.

"Bella you deserve the best and I'm hoping I can be the best for you"


	7. The Truth Hurts

**Edward**

**Spring 2000**

The leaves weren't falling much and the weather was warmer and my heart was fuller. My days were enjoyable and it was all because of her. She was the day to my night and the smiles to my frown. She was opening up more and she was more affectionate. I had hope we would make it through and I had hope she would never leave.

I was spending more time with ben on my time off from painting (Bella had convinced me I needed to showcase a talent like mine) it was time consuming and sometime cut into my time with Bella but she was encouraging me to continue.

Ben invited me along with him to the gym every morning and from there I would meet Bella for an early breakfast at times. We were leaving the gym and going to meet the girls for a late brunch when ben brought up the subject on how to approach a woman. I was surprised he was asking me for advice and I wondered who was interested in but I had a hunch. He mused on how it was easy for me to approach Bella and surprised at how easy it was to be with her. It looked easy and in a way it could be easy but it wasn't. Every day was a challenge and hurdle to get through. Every day I want to ask her about her past and everyday I'm fighting off the urge to tell her I love her. But I can't and I don't know when I ever will.

* * *

><p>"Are you nervous?"<p>

"No"

"If this is too much I can call it off"

"It's fine"

"You're biting your lip"

"Why don't you kiss me?"

We were waiting on my parents to get here and I was nervous and she was nervous but wouldn't let on. I wanted everything to go perfectly even though I knew perfect didn't exist. I wanted no needed my parents to love Bella like I did. I wanted them to tell me that I could make her happy and that she would finally see that happiness does exist. I want them to tell me I'm not wasting my time.

We heard a car turn the corner and could see a black jeep drive down the street. I was excited now it was a while that I've seen my parents and we always had a close relationship. Bella started fidgeting so I took her hand in mines and squeezed gently.

I stood up as my mother opened the car door and slid out and my father came around to open the side door. My mother smiled when she saw me and rushed to my side. I hugged her tightly with one arm (the other was holding on to Bella) and I breathed in that familiar scent of home. She let me go and pulled Bella in for a hug.

"Oh you make a perfect couple!" she exclaimed.

I looked to find my father and saw him walking towards us with a little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. I looked back to my mother confused.

"Surprise, we adopted another child!"

She was looking for my reaction and I was shocked but a good shocked. It took people like esme and Carlisle with good hearts to take on a new child. I was glad. We moved in the house and settled down. I left Bella with my mother and spent some time with Carlisle. We talked about any and everything and I was glad to find that he was content. I was surprised to find out that he would be retiring soon. He said he just wanted to settle down and spend more time with esme and Rosalie.

It wasn't a spur of the moment that they adopted, I guess they did get lonely without me and yearned for more kids and I understood all too well. We joined the girls again and I smiled to find my mother and Bella engaged in an animated conversation. Rosalie was sitting still looking around in wonder; I took her on a tour around the house and even showed her my paintings. She really loved the painting of Bella and asked to know more about her.

"You're not married like mom and dad?" she asked curiously.

I smiled "No but one day I hope to be"

"You live together?"

"No but sometimes she spends the night"

"Like a sleepover?"

I chuckled "exactly like a sleepover"

She looked sad "I heard they were fun but I wouldn't know"

"How old are you Rosalie?"

"Seven and a half" she said proudly.

"Were you adopted like me?" she asked.

"Yes"

"Do you miss your parents?"

"No I never knew my parents but as fare s I know Carlisle and esme are the only parents"

She smiled "I like them a lot"

"Me too"

"Would you like to watch cartoons?" I asked . I was itching to get back to Bella.

Her face lit up "yes please"

I took her to the den and made sure she was comfortable with plenty of snacks.

"If you need anything just call"

She nodded staring at me intently "do you have friends?"

I Had Bella and there was ben but he was more of a friend of a friend

"Not really"

"You can be my friend" she offered.

I laughed "I would love to"

She smiled satisfied and turned her attention to the T.V.

* * *

><p>I had just joined them back in the living room when my father asked about belle's hometown.<p>

"Where are you from Bella?"

"Forks"

I was surprised, she told me she lived near Port Angeles but I never guessed she would have lived in the same town as me.

"What a coincidence, Edward grew up there" esme said.

She smiled "I guess we do have something in common"

"We know everyone there, who are your parents?"

The smile faded and I could see the flash of pain and anger in her eyes. I had to put a hold on this conversation, I knew how she felt about her parents and I didn't blame her.

"Does it matter?" I asked.

"We just want to know Edward, what's the harm?" Carlisle asked.

"Its fine Edward" "I'm assuming you know Charlie and Renee swan?" she said to my parents.

"Yes but not well and we certainly didn't know they had a daughter" esme said.

Bella laughed humorlessly "actually Charlie has two daughters, a child out of wedlock"

I was surprised also, she never told me this.

"I don't have a good relationship with my parents and I don't like talking about them" she said somberly.

I put my arms around her telling her she didn't have to talk about it if she was uncomfortable.

"No you should know, basically my parents didn't want me and I didn't have a happy childhood"

Esme immediately rushed to comfort her. I knew how she felt about this. She would kill to have children of her own and it always hurt her to see unwanted children.

I walked Bella home after dinner and she was quiet and distant again. I wanted to be patient and not push her but it wasn't easy when all you wanted was to protect her. I grabbed her hand pulling her to me and kissed her softly. I wanted her to forget all her worries just once and enjoy this moment. She responded eagerly and then she stopped, I was about to ask why when I felt wetness of my lips and I looked to see her crying softly.

It pained me to see her crying and it pained me more to see her crying when I wanted to bring her pleasure and happiness. I lifted her chin and stared in her pained eyes.

"Bella please talk to me and don't tell me nothing is wrong" I demanded.

For a second I thought she would ignore me but then she spoke "I've wanted to tell for so long but I'm scared of what you will think of me after and I'm afraid to relive it"

"Bella nothing will change my mind about you just please tell me so I can help you" I pleaded.

She nodded and pulled me along to the park and we sat close together on the bench.

She took a deep breath "It was before my 16th birthday and you know how special that day was and I looked forward to it. I was stupid to hope they would care and throw me a party but what they did was worse"

"Tell me" I urged.

"They forgot my birthday and when I confronted them about it, it got worse because they didn't care at all and they said some hurtful things which I won't repeat but it caused me to leave. I just wanted to get away so I took their car…." She paused.

"I'm here sweetheart" I encouraged her.

"I didn't see it coming, she was coming so close and I tried to break but it was too late" she broke off crying into my chest.

It took me a minute to let the information sink in and when it did I felt sick. Bella's birthday was September 13th and that was the day I lost my best friend.

* * *

><p><strong>I Struggled to get this chapter done like crazy, it was not flowing like usual but i managed alright.<strong>

**Anyway FeedBack is appreciated**


	8. This Is GoodBye

** Bella**

"**Love is Pain"**

He was still and so so quiet and it scared me, I was still clinging to him but no comfort came. I was scared to look at him and to see the hate in his eyes. So I just sat there letting the silence prolong between us. So many thoughts going through my head and flashes, flashes of that night. _The lights of the police car and the people standing around to watch, the horror in my parents eyes. And the blood so much blood, holding her in my arms begging her to stay awake._

It was too much to be still I untangled from his arms and turned to look at him, there was emotions ranging from sadness, pain, and disbelief. He wouldn't look at me and it hurt so much, I had to speak his silence was killing me.

"Say something please" I begged.

He took a deep breath but no words came out. I stood up wrapping my arms around me wondering what was going through his mind.

"Say something anything, you can even yell at me and tell me you hate me and that you can never be with a murder!" I was crying again.

He came alive with those words staring at me intently

"My best friend died that night" he whispered.

I froze not moving unable to speak; I didn't want to think about his words. I wanted to be confused and ask what his best friend has to do with that night but for some reason I know and yet I have to be sure.

"Did you know the name of the victim?" he asks still staring. I can see he's pleading with his eyes begging me to not hurt him.

"Tanya" I whisper.

He closes his eyes and grips the bench handle "Tanya Denali" he says.

I Nod feeling sick all over, I want to erase these last few minutes and go back to the happier times because I don't know where to go from here.

What do you say when you killed your boyfriends best friend?

"Bella please tell me I'm wrong" he begs.

All I can do is sob and hold myself together from falling apart, from crawling to him and begging for forgiveness. He needs to know that I regret this so much and that every day I have to live with it hanging over me. I see her face in my nightmares and watch as her eyes glaze over in her last minutes.

"I'm so sorry Edward, I didn't see her coming but it was too late but I tried god I tried to help her but there was so much blood and broken limbs"

"Stop" he begs.

I can't stop, it's all rushing out I want him to know he deserves the truth. I need to get this block off my chest to finally breathe.

"There was so many people just staring and they just stood there watching me trying to save her"

He stands up angry now with tears streaming down his face "I said stop!" "I can't take anymore!"

"You have to know Edward I can't hold it in anymore, it's breaking me down!"

He pulls at his hair crying earnestly now " I know Bella I know, I know Tanya was killed but no one came forward and no one knew who did it, no one cared and we had to deal with it, I had to deal with it!"

I regret what my parents did so much, I tried to stop them but I was so weak and still in shock.

"They knew Edward they knew but my parents persuaded them to keep my name under wrap, Charlie's a cop and he paid them to sweep it under the rug"

The truth hurts but this truth kills

His eyes are burning and he looks disgusted with me, he takes a step back like I slapped him

"Don't look at me like that Edward I told them it was wrong, I was guilty but they wouldn't listen. They forbid me to go to the funeral and forbid me to contact her parents. Please I wanted to be punished!"

"But you wasn't, you got away clean while we had to deal with the after-math. While we were broken and no one cared!"

He's killing me, he's breaking me down and he's wrong he has no idea what I went through. My parents hated me, they didn't care about me only they their precious image was tainted. They didn't want a murderer for a daughter. I'm so angry at him, it's better to use anger before the pain.

"How dare you judge me!" I yell loudly.

He's taken aback staring at me

"I was the one who killed her, I was the one with the biggest guilty and burden. That experience took away from me and I was so young dealing with it on my own. My own fucking parents didn't care; you don't know how many nights I stayed awake scared to see her face in my dreams. How I went into a deep depression. You don't know how much it killed me!"

I'm shouting and crying and my chest is so heavy, I feel like I could break at any moment. I gave him my heart, not fully but a part of it and now he's stomped all over it. This was so hard for me to come out and tell him and I trusted him. I trusted him to comfort me and tell me he still loved me. That thought hits me hard and I'm gasping for breath I wanted him to love me, but all I have is pain.

He opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off

"I was scared to tell you but I needed to, you were supposed to make it better. You were supposed to love me" I'm whispering having no energy to shout.

The anger is gone and I'm left with suffocating pain wrapped around my heart. The block is getting bigger making it hard to breathe and the tears almost blind me. I see his face battling through every emotion and he almost takes a step forward.

I can't be with him with this hanging over me, I always knew happily ever after never existed for me and I was right. I don't deserve it, I deserve to burn from the fire of his pain and anger.

As I'm struggling to breathe I understand why this hurts so much, why I was worried about his reaction. I was falling for him, it wasn't love but it was something. I let him in against better judgment and I was used to getting hurt but because it's him it's so much more.

I was stupid to have hope and now it's gone, he killed my hope.

"Goodbye" I whisper and walk way before I completely break.

I half expect him to follow me and to tell me to come back but he doesn't and that solidifies my decision.

Happiness doesn't exist.

* * *

><p><strong>*Hides in the corner* Still reading? Good we have a long way to go.<strong>

**My heart really hurts, i've just wrote heavy angst yesterday and now this kills me too**

**Just a Reminder there will be HEA**


	9. Love Never Dies

** Edward**

"**A Pretty Memory Tainted With Ugliness"**

I had no recollection of moving, no recall of how I made it home. I was still in shock as I opened the door and the concerned look on esme face was the thing to bring me back. Everything came rushing back and I hurtled to the bathroom to empty the contents of my stomach. I could hear esme calling for Carlisle as she followed me. She rubbed my back comfortingly as she watched me, I'm sure I looked like hell. Crying and dry heaving is not an easy feat.

She constantly asked what was wrong while Carlisle used his doctor card with me, I didn't want to relive tonight at all. I didn't know what to do; I pushed Carlisle away and sit up on the floor with my head in my hands.

I wanted to erase these images from my eyes and mind; I wanted to erase the look on Bella's face. Just remembering that night has me dry heaving again. Thinking of all the times I've slept with Bella is making me feel dirty.

She's on my mind and her scent is surrounding me so much, it's suffocating. I want to scratch any traces of her off of me.

"Edward son what happened?" Carlisle asks.

I want to talk about it but I can't, it's still too fresh on my mind.

"Is he sick?" I hear rose questioning them.

I look up to see Rosalie standing the doorway clutching a stuffed bear; her small face is etched in concern. I try to smile but it's come off as a grimace.

"Carlisle you take rose back to bed, I'll talk to Edward" esme takes charge.

He wants to disagree but the look on her face stops him; he scoops up rose and leaves the room. Esme closes the door and sits next to me.

"Baby boy I hate to see you hurting, tell me what's bothering you" she says touching my shoulder.

I shake my head, afraid if I speak I'll start crying again.

She nods "does this concern Bella?" she asks softly.

That was all it took for the dam to burst, everything is about Bella. Her name causes me to break and remembering her smile but then I remember Tanya's smile and its over from there.

"Tell me what happened" she pushes.

I'm gasping between sobs, everything coming out in a jumbled mess. She tells me to slow down.

"She… killed… her!" I cry out.

"Who killed who?" she says calmly.

"Bella….. Killed…..Tanya"

She stares at me for a few seconds "sweetie you have to explain"

"She was… she was the one driving the car"

Tears sprang to her eyes and she dug her nails into my shoulder "tell me" she begs.

I recount the whole conversation making myself numb to feel, everything she told me. The parts about her parents covering it up and the fact that the police went along with it.

She calms down faster staring at me sadly " Edward accidents happen and the fact that it involved two people you care about it just makes it worse but do not blame Bella"

I look at her confused and angry .

"She already blame herself too much, what happened overshadowed her life and you saw that but don't be angry. Don't condemn her for something that was beyond her control, you want to be angry at someone be angry at the police of forks and Charlie and Renee swan"

"She was behind the wheel"

"Anyone could have been behind that wheel that night, anyone it just happened to be Bella and she doesn't need you of all people turning your back on her"

"It's too late, she left me"

Esme stands up angry now "Edward I raised you better than that, you let her walk away with more guilt on her shoulders!"

"You don't treat someone you love that way, I don't care what she did love goes beyond that!"

I opened my mouth to utter a lie, to deny what I felt. I know why she was angry but I was confused, Tanya was my best friend my only friend and to find out she was taken away by the women I love is a hard blow to come by.

"Mom, what do I do? I don't know how I should feel, I feel angry I feel hurt but should I feel this way?" I begged for her help.

"Baby boy I can't tell you how you should feel but think if the situation was reversed, how would you feel then? Bella has already suffered enough but she doesn't deserve this from you, Tanya is gone and there is nothing you can do to bring her back"

I nod crying silent tears "I feel like I would be insulting her memory being with Bella"

She sighs "I know, I know but don't you think Tanya would want you to be happy?"

I don't know want she want's anymore; I'm seeing her broken body on the gurney. The life gone from her hazel eyes, they don't sparkle anymore. I don't hear her high laugh and I don't hear her heartbeat.

"Don't think about it tonight, get some sleep and tomorrow we can fix this"

"Can we?"

"Edward Tanya's death can't stop you from loving Bella, only you it's your choice to forgive. Just remember people go but love never dies"

* * *

><p>She leaves me to shower and think about the coming day, I can admit I reacted the wrong way but what was I supposed to do? Though it was wrong for me to blame her for something beyond control. Her face still haunts me; it sends cracks in my heart.<p>

Tanya Denali was my best friend, my family and my life back then but Isabella swan is my life now. Isabella swan is the woman I love, Tanya may be gone but Bella is living and that's what matters.

I get ready for bed dreading reliving the past in my dreams, I see the painting of Bella on my wall and it creates the first smile since. I'm going to fix this somehow; I have to it not a choice. It's a law of love. I get in bed when I hear the soft shuffle of feet in my room, I smile when I see Rosalie standing by the bed. My smile fades when I notice the tears in her crystal blue eyes, I beckon her forward and she climbs on the bed clinging to me tightly.

"Why are you crying?" I ask gently.

She sniffs "I don't like seeing you hurt" she says in a small voice.

My heart expands with love for this small child I just met but call sister, in a few short minutes she captured my heart. Just like Bella.

"I'm better now" I say.

"Promise?" she says.

I kiss her forehead "I promise"

She settles in the bed clutching her stuffed bear, its quiet except for the few occasional sniffles.

"Will Bella be here tomorrow?" she asks.

Will she? I think will she still want me? I vow to do whatever it takes to bring her back.

"Yes" I say at last.

"Good, I think I love her already"

I smile "I think I love her too"

There is no nightmare waiting for me in my dream, all I see is Bella and the dimples in her cheek. The twinkling of her honey brown eyes, and her red flaming hair. Her soft pink lips and I could hear her musical laugh.

Tanya is gone but Bella is still here and with that thought I'm off to sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Yes Two Updates!<strong>

**I Love You Ladies**

**Poor Edward**

**I Adore Rosalie**

**What do you think? what was your favorite line?**


	10. Love is Pain

I lie listlessly emotionally and physically drained but more so emotionally, I used up all the tears I could cry but the pain still lingers. The pain in my heart I tried so hard to avoid, I put a guard up but of course _he_ was the one to finally break through. I was told I shouldn't guard my heart but I knew I was right I just didn't think _he_ would be the one to break it.

Image after image flash through my mind as I replay everything and they conjure up the night I lost myself and I see everything through s stranger's eyes_. I see the black car sailing down the road and I see the lone figure stepping off the sidewalk, she doesn't hear the car approaching due to the earphones in her ear but she sees the lights of the car at the last minute._

_The car tries to stop but only when it gets close enough and the lone figure looks up, she has no time to scream or to utter a word but someone does scream._ A bloodcurdling scream that will haunt you forever. I blink back the images and the tears threatening to spill, too tired to feel and cry. I fall into a dreamless sleep and I'm pulled under deep. I wake after sometime not really opening my eyes but sensing the light of the morning. I don't want to move and face the day I want to stay in this dreamless state and forget… just forget and not feel.

I roll over and get a glimpse at the clock its way past time to get up and go to work. For the first time ever I don't want to work, I want to sleep the day away. I don't want to function because I know if I do I will be forced to think and thinking will bring back what I want to forget. I close my eyes ready to fall back to sleep when I hear insistent knocking on the door, my heart pounds against my chest and the images come back when I think who could be at the door, I calm down telling myself it couldn't be him. No, not after last night and hearing his angry voice and seeing his face taut with harsh lines. The tears he shed and his anguished voice no it couldn't be him.

I decide to ignore it and pretend I don't hear the loud knocking and after a while it goes away but I'm wide awake now and that's not good. In the dreamless land I was numb to feeling but now out in the open it all comes rushing back, the deep pain in my chest and the sinking feeling in my gut. I feel cold all over and no amount of warmth can stop this chill and for a second I let myself wish he could stop this chill and I wished I was wrapped in his arms. I wished for comfort and home, I stiffen shaking the thoughts away._ He_ would never be home again.

* * *

><p>I close my eyes wishing for sleep when I hear the front door open and I hear hushed voices and footsteps, normally you would get scared or paranoid. Normally you would clutch the phone in terror awaiting the cause of your fear but in this case I'm indifferent. Because fear is the least of my worries. I hear voices on the stairs and then they're loudly calling my name.<p>

Jane and ben enter my room relief all over their faces but when they take a look at me I see concern etched deep on their faces.

"Bella are you okay?" Jane asks.

I pause ready to answer and then stop….. Am I okay? No this is not how okay feels, I'm not okay I'm hurt and I'm alone. I'm broken and drowning in my pain.

"We were worried when you didn't show up at work and you wouldn't answer your phone" ben speaks.

I'm afraid to open my mouth because if I do I might completely break down and with their concerned eyes and pity stricken faces it just might happen. How do I explain what I'm feeling? How do I tell them what happened without losing my last bit of resolve?

"Bella honey talk to us"

"Yesterday you were so happy and excited to meet Edward parents, did something happen then?"

Hearing his name and the word happy in the same sentence breaks me and I'm sobbing from deep within, nerve wracking sobs that feel like they could break me in half. Edward and happy, happy and Edward…. Happy with Edward… all foreign concepts to me right now. Jane has her arms around me trying to calm me down and after some minutes the sobs quiet and I'm shedding silent tears.

"Sweetie did something happen with Edward?" she asks me softly.

I can do this I tell myself… I can be strong and tell her what she needs to know.

"We… broke….. Up" I choke out.

"What happened?"

"He… hates… me"

She looks confused "why would Edward hate you?"

"I… kk..Killed… her"

There's a long silence and then she wiping away my tears and looking me in the eye

"You told him?" she asks quietly.

I nod.

She hugs me tightly for a few minutes.

"So you told him and he hates you even though it wasn't your fault!" ben speaks up angry now.

"she she was… hiss… best…friend"

The silence is stunning and then jane is hugging me and crying with me, it feels good to be showed affection even after what I did and to see that they will never judge me. Why couldn't it be this way with Edward?

"Well….. That's something" Ben says.

"But still I know that's got to be shocking but he can't put all the blame on you"

I shake my head "you didn't see his face, you didn't hear his voice… he hates me"

"Doesn't matter, you've been through a lot and I would of thought he was the person to fix you"

I thought so too, it wouldn't matter if someone else hated me for this but because its him it hurts much worse.

"You love him" Jane says.

I'm stunned unable to speak for a moment…. Is this what love feels like? Is this why it hurts so much? It can't be love… I know I feel for him more than I'm capable of but it can't be love.

"No it can't be, love shouldn't hurt this much"

"Yes love can hurt" Jane agrees.

"So he just ended everything because of this?" Ben asks

"No, I ended it I couldn't be with him with the hanging over us. Not after the way he looked at me"

I shake my head not wanting to relive those moments.

He nods and then whirls out of the room, we hear him running down the steps and out of the door.

"Where is he going?"

"Taking care of business" Jane answers.

I nod

"I'm so sorry that it had to happen this way and I'm angry at him even though I may understand but angry nonetheless" she says.

I Nod feeling angry myself…. Anger is better than the pain….. I gave him a part of me that most people never see and I trusted him not to break my heart.

"It's going to hurt him more" she says.

"She was his best friend"

"No because he loves you too"


	11. Forgiveness And Love

**Edward**

Sleep was better where I dreamed of honey brown eyes and flaming red hair and wide beautiful smiles and it was all enclosed in happiness but in reality when I opened my eyes it all came rushing back and it was nothing like my dream. I ignored the feeling in my gut acting on my promise yesterday, my promise to fix the problem I created.

The house was quiet and empty when I woke up; the only reminder of rose sleeping in my bed was the stuffed bear she left. It reminded me of the stuffed animal I had won for Bella; I smiled at that memory of happier times. I was determined to put a smile back on her face I knew it wouldn't be easy but I wouldn't give up. I would grovel and beg for her forgiveness as long as it took and more.

Esme left a note telling me they went out to breakfast and that when I talked to Bella that we should come back here for lunch. She had faith that I didn't mess this up, I was so grateful for her advice and helping me last night. I don't want to think about what have transpired if she wasn't here but I could only hope I would have saw through my clouded vision of pain.

Opening the door to leave I almost ran into ben who was about to knock on the door, I've never seen ben angry before but here he was narrowed eyes and face so red. I didn't need to ask why he was here and seeing the evidence of what I caused only made the pain much worse. He looked like he wanted to punch me and I would have let him knowing I deserved much worse.

"Hurting you won't solve anything" he finally spoke.

"I deserve it" I said.

He shook his head "hurting you would hurt her" he explained.

My heart beat double time, there was the hope that she still cared.

"I thought you would be the one to reassure her, I understand that it's a hard thing to hear let alone hear it from her but I thought you loved her enough" he said.

He didn't understand…. I mean how you respond to someone killing your best friend…. Someone you love…..

He saw me about to speak and cut me off "yes I do understand I understand that I have no idea what you went through but Bella had it worse. You weren't the one behind the wheel, you went the one whose life was taken away because she didn't just kill Tanya, and she killed herself too. That's a burden no one wants to carry on their shoulders but she did and she did it alone. You had your family to get through the grief of losing Tanya but Bella had no one, her own parents abandoned her Edward and I just didn't think you would abandon her too"

He was disappointed and he was angry but I could see that he was looking out for Bella and I couldn't fault him for that but he needed to know that it wasn't easy for me either. I was hurting also.

"Please Understand Ben that I never meant to hurt her intentionally, I'm hurting the most because Tanya was my best friend and I love Bella..."

He cut me off again angrily "I said I understood but maybe I don't because I thought Bella killed Tanya and I thought she lived the unhappy life and the nightmares. I thought that she would hurt the most because she loves you too and having to look into your eyes and tell you the horrible truth would break her. I thought she was the one labeled a murderer and you would just be in love with a murderer but that's not all truth right because it was an accident, an accident that changed her life and that you judging her was worse, yeah she told me what you said!"

I was stunned and speechless… what could I say when what he said was the truth? What could I say when even I know I was wrong?

"Let me tell you that I'm not dealing with what you're dealing with but I would hope I wouldn't handle it the way you did. I would hope I wouldn't judge her for something beyond her control because I thought love went beyond that. You can be angry and hurt but you shouldn't be angry at her and you should never call her a killer when she didn't set out to run over someone and run away. "

"You have no idea how much I regret what I said… you're not telling me nothing I haven't heard."

"I'm not condemning you for what you feel because you should feel but I'm condemning you for what you said. She's not a killer…. She's a victim too"

I watched him walk away taking in everything he said and feeling the guilt eat away at me; I prayed Tanya wouldn't fault me for loving Bella. I hoped she would be looking down at me happy at the choice I was about to make, to make this hole in my chest go away. To lessen this pain because I now understood that we both were in pain, we were both affected by this tragedy and I had the power to ease the guilt and lessen the blame.

* * *

><p>I stood at her door nervous and relived; it felt so good being closer to her somehow. I had no idea what was waiting for me behind the door but I was ready oh how I hoped I was ready. I knocked once before the door was pulled open, Jane looked at and smiled then she frowned.<p>

"I thought you would come and I'm glad you didn't prove me wrong" she said.

I nodded as she stepped outside, I waited for her to say something anything or to hit me. Ben came out next motioning for me to go on. I looked back at Jane and saw she was speaking to me with her eyes, she told me she didn't hate me but if I couldn't fix this then she would. I understood my second chance was my last chance. I closed the door walking into the house looking around for Bella; it seemed lonely here and still. The front room consisted of one couch and one table and the next room was empty except for a shelf of books. I stood in front of the stairs unsure of whether I should go up or stay down and wait, I didn't know if she knew I was here.

While I was contemplating I heard the quiet steps of someone on the stairs I looked up to see Bella coming down slowly and staring at me in disbelief. The hole in my chest vanished instantly and my hands itched to pull her close and never let go. She stopped on the second to last step and stood there staring at me intently, my eyes roamed over her taking in everything from her protective stance to her red puffy eyes and to the small color in her cheeks. Knowing that the reason she cried was because of me had the closed hole threatening to rip open but even with puffy eyes she was still beautiful. I moved towards her and she stepped back, I ignored the rejection stinging my whole body and looked in her eyes. She was hesitant and she was scared, she was questioning why I was here and whether I was here to stay. She was afraid to hope but she was happy I was here but it didn't erase the pain.

"Bella" I spoke.

She said nothing.

"I know I'm the last person you want to see but I had to come back, I was stupid to let you walk away and I want to explain but I think they just may sound like excuses. You don't know how much I regret what I said to you, words said in the heat of the moment." I continued.

"It was the truth" she whispered.

"It doesn't matter I should have never uttered those words to you, it hurts but you're hurting too and in that moment I had forgot. I'm truly sorry" I was pleading with her to understand.

"She was your best friend" she said.

Those weren't the words I wanted to hear…. I wanted her to forgive me but I knew I needed to work harder.

"Bella it was wrong for me to blame you, it happened but it wasn't your fault and knowing you've lived with this for so long it kills me. You came to me with the truth and I could see you were scared and I will forever be sorry that I wasn't there for you like you wanted. I'll spend the rest of my life regretting it even if you can forgive me"

She walked down the rest of the steps and went past me into the front room, her scent washed over me making me ache with need. I followed her and watched her sit on the couch; I sat next to her giving her some space.

"Thank you" she finally spoke.

I turned to her in confusion

"I hoped you would come but I didn't think you would, I thought you hated me" she explained.

I begin to speak but she wasn't finished "Thank you for proving me wrong, thank you for apologizing and I accept it not because you want me to but because I want to. Because I understand it's not easy for you to admit it. And I want to apologize for the reason that she's not here right now" she said softly.

Her voice washed over me in waves, bringing back the warmth I really needed. I wanted to touch her and feel her. I was sad that she thought she had to apologize but the fact that she did made me happy.

"I don't think you're a killer" I said.

She turned to me fully with hopeful eyes that spoke to my soul and trapped me in their gaze.

"You're a victim too Bella and you should know that, looking at you now I don't see a killer. I see a beautiful woman who is broken but she wants to be fixed and she wants to be loved. She should be loved and she should be happy and I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure she achieves it….. If she lets me" I wanted to beg and grovel but I wanted her to have a choice.

She surprised me by throwing her arms around me and holding me tightly, I pulled her closer to me molding her body to mines. I inhaled her scent feeling her warmth seep through and surround me. I missed her simple touch and never wanted to go without it again.

"I don't want you to hate me" she whispered into my ear.

"I could never hate you" I whispered back.

"You complete me, I feel whole again" she said.

It was exactly how I felt, the sense of completeness and the sense of where I belonged. It was right here with her, nothing could change that. This feeling was new and scary but I liked it, this feeling of never getting enough of her. A simple touch from her and everything is alright, the feeling of emptiness being away from her. Never wanting to see her sad, needing to see her smile and needing her to be happy. She gave me happiness, she was my happiness and there was no greater feeling.

I knew…. I knew I loved her… it was always love from the very beginning and it would always be. I wanted to tell her but I didn't know how she would react, ben said she loved me but I wanted to hear it from her. Those sweet words coming from her lips but I knew I had to wait until she was ready.

She pulled back to look into my eyes searching and searching, whatever she found made her smile widely and the hint of dimples showed on her cheeks. This was a real smile because this time it reached her eyes and I could something akin to happiness dancing through.

"My head is telling me one thing but my heart and your eyes are telling me another, I care for you deeply it's not love I don't think but it's something that feels good. It's like dancing and laughing and twirling and its butterflies and double heartbeats and it's the warmth deep within me and it's all because of you" she spoke so softly each word resonating within my heart and I could just take her face in my hands and kiss her deeply and soundly but I waited for her to tell me it was okay.

She surprised me again… her lips touched mine softly and then she pressed them against mine again and again. I kissed her back and she moved her lips with mine sighing in contentment. It was sweet and she was warm and it tasted like strawberry and it was passion and she made me ache.

We were okay.


	12. I'm Happy

**Bella**

"It was great meeting you, I hope you find happiness with my son" Esme said with a hug.

I was wrapped in her embrace feeling loved and wanted, it was a good feeling. I thought they wouldn't like me after what happened but they were so accepting and consoling me, so understanding and angry on my behalf. I would love to have parents like esme and Carlisle but somehow I could tell in a way they were mine.

"I could never wish for someone better for Edward, welcome to the family" Carlisle said with a warm smile.

Hearing those words were what I desperately needed and there was no better way of accepting me, this was a perfect moment and I marveled at how far I came. This was my happy place and nothing could taint it.

"I really like you and I hope you stay" Rosalie said.

It felt like we were a real family embracing each other before they left, I was sure I never smiled this much and the tears were good tears. The best part is that I knew Edward was a feet away watching me with his family and to make him happy made me happy.

We watched them drive away and I couldn't wait until their next visit, I never thought I would be here still accepted by Edward and sometimes I had to make sure this was real, for one dark moment I thought I had lost everything but somehow he made it better. Standing in his presence basking in his warmth was all the happiness I needed.

* * *

><p>His hands held me close and his lips tugged on mine gently and then it was intense and my body reacted to him in every way. This feeling was lost and now it was back intense than ever. It was a buildup of longing and need and there were butterflies and stuttering heartbeats.<p>

I lay back on the bed as he kissed me everywhere while his hands touched every corner of skin and his lips found spots that filled me with want as I pulled him closer. I inhaled his scent commemorating it to memory and the feel of him hard pressed into soft.

I could spend all my days like this and it would be enough.

He looked at me with lust and passion… and love.

My heart stopped and I wanted to pull away…. I dint know what to do with love… something so foreign to me but I knew I felt for him so much more than what I thought I was capable of. It made me nervous and I was afraid of what comes after.

I remembered so clearly the last time it seemed like love and I wanted it, I needed it but it wasn't enough. A memory of a man who said he wanted me and he loved me…. At the time I couldn't return it… too scared to return it but somehow I did. My own version of love but it wasn't enough and when he found out the truth… he was gone leaving me empty.

I tried to push back those thoughts but they never left, it was so close to what happened with Edward and now I don't know what I will do with his love. Now that I think about it, I've been experiencing love all along and it made me feel good but then it could hurt me. I remember that night I spilled out my burdens to him and how he broke me completely, I can't deal with anymore heartbreak.

I can't accept his love.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for spending time with me" Jane said teasing.<p>

I laughed "I know but you don't mind, you have ben"

She smiled "yes I do and I love it"

"Do you think you will always love it?" I asked curiously.

It was on my mind so much, what if it doesn't work out? How can you be sure that this is worth it?

She became serious "I hope so but Bella it takes time and it takes risks"

"Love?"

"Yes I know some people find love so early and it comes easy for them but others we have to work for it and the result is rewarding. It's great to love someone but so much better when they love you back"

My mind was going in circles….. Edward never said those words to me but he didn't need to….. It was everywhere with his eyes and his touch. His actions gave me proof and yet I wasn't sure, I wanted to hear those words and I wanted it to be enough.

"Do you love ben?"

"I think I've always loved him and what's rewarding was that for him it was me all along from the very beginning"

I was happy for them, happy to see them so happy and carefree and then it hit me hard. I was thunderstruck, this feeling I'm feeling was being happy. I was happy and I never noticed…. I was happy and I wanted to stay this way.

"I'm happy for you" I said smiling.

And then I laughed feeling on top of the world…. I was happy Jane and ben made me happy and most of all Edward made me happy. I wanted to run to him and tell him, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops.

"Bella?"

I turned to her "I'm Happy Jane"

She laughed "I know I've never seen you this happy, you look like you won the lottery!"

I was giddy jumping out my seat in a hurry; I threw some bills on the table.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To Edward, he needs to know I'm happy"

"Okay then!"

I hurried out the diner smiling widely, I was impatient to get to Edward and maybe somewhat nervous. I walked along the familiar path to his house and when I was close I could see him peeking out the window watching me and it filled me up leaving me breathless. He told me he used to watch me and because it was his eyes it was all together special.

I bounded up the steps just as he opened the door and launched myself in his arms, he stumbled as he closed the door behind us and I kissed him passionately. When I pulled away we both were breathless and our smiles rivaled each other's.

"Wow" he said.

"You make me happy" I said simply.

It took a while before the words sunk in and his whole face lit up and it was like the sun and it drenched me in warmth.

"Yeah?"

"I'm happy and I feel happy and it's all because of you"

"Thank you"

* * *

><p>He pulled me closer speaking with his lips and it was all about kisses and caresses with sighs and moans filling the house. And then I let him make me feel good all over, in every way physically and emotionally and when I felt hardness pressing into soft I made him feel good.<p>

We lie on the bed staring at the ceiling lost in our thoughts, I let the happy feeling spread through me and I never wanted to let it go. I felt the bed shift as he turned to face me taking my face in his hands as he kissed me earnestly and then with soft brushes of his lips on my cheeks and nose and shoulders.

He looking into my eyes intently conveying so many emotions and it was staggering as I tried to sift through each one. I wanted to ignore the one emotion I couldn't accept and then he said those three words.

"I Love you" he whispered eyes shining.

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

I've waited so long for this moment and it only made my resolve strengthen when she told me she was happy and that was all I asked for. I never thought she would let me make her feel so good in any other way but she did and I was in heaven, tasting her sweetness on my tongue.

No words can describe how she made me feel with her warmth wrapped around me, every happy emotion wrapped in one and amplified to the highest. I thought this was the perfect moment as I held her face in my hands and stared in her honey brown eyes.

I loved her, I loved everything about her and I loved to be with her and I loved her being with me. I loved her for letting me love her and I was sure she loved me, I was sure it was love.

The words flowed from my lips and I watched her eyes widen and heard her sharp intake of breath and then she was moving away from me. I was perplexed and a little afraid…..

"You can't love me" she whispered.

I ignored the ache in my chest moving closer to look at her but she moved farther away.

"I love you Bella" I repeated again.

She shook her head "no you can't, I hear you sometimes in your sleep having nightmares and I know you still think about her"

I felt winded I didn't think she would notice and sometimes I don't notice but what did any of this have to do with me loving her? I thought we were past this… I know some days that night is on the fore front of my mind and those times I can't be around her but those are few and the happiness I feel with her erases everything.

"What do you mean?" I asked carefully.

"You can't love a murderer" she said.

I could feel the crack in my heart but I heard the pause in her voice….. I didn't think she believed what she was saying. She was pushing me away and I needed to know why.

"Tell me you love me" I pleaded.

She stood up in front of me with tears streaming down her face "I feel for you and it's scary but I don't think its love"

I was angry now, angry that she was denying herself the happiness she deserved…. The happiness she said I made her feel.

"Why are you doing this?" I hissed.

Her eyes narrowed "I see the way you look at me time to time and I know in the back of your mind she will always be there. You can't love me"

I ignored her words "just tell me if you love me" I whispered.

"What I feel for you is more than average but…. It's not love" she whispered those last lines.

_It's not love….. It's not love_… those words echoed in my head and I fought from drowning in them.

"Edward I'm not leaving you, it's too soon for me to love you and I can't accept your love because it will never be enough"

* * *

><p>I could feel the tears streaming down my face and I clutched at my chest wondering how my heart was still beating when it felt dead. I couldn't look at her but when she saw me crying she rushed to me whispering words and apologies but they didn't make me feel any better.<p>

Then she kissed me and some of the warmth came back, I could so this I told myself. I could be with her and love her and wait for her to return it. I would do anything for her. She laid me down in bed covering me blankets and begin to walk away. My heart constricted and in panic I reached for her.

"Are you leaving me?"

She shook her head "I'm going to get more clothes and necessities I won't be long"

I let her go with a heavy heart.

* * *

><p><strong>Bella<strong>

I was crying silently as I walked home, I felt guilt and it only worsened each step I took that sent me away from Edward. I had lied I could love him I knew that but I remember what happened when I gave him my heart. Love was a weakness and it could break me, I knew it was a risk and it was a risk I was afraid to take.

His love gave me strength and it filled me with hope, something I shied away from because of the consequences. I told him I couldn't accept it but deep down I was walking on sunshine and my heart was beating rapidly, being loved and feeling loved was the best feeling in the world.

I wanted to accept his love but I couldn't be sure that one day he would regret his decision that I would always be the one who killed his best friend. No matter what he said I couldn't stop thinking about it and I didn't think it was enough.

I knew how he made me feel and it was ecstatic and it was laughing and it was smiling and twirling and colors of the rainbow. It was good and wonderful and joy and it was passion and intensity but most of all it was happy.

When I got home there was a letter in the mailbox and I was surprised because I never had mail. When I saw the sender address I stopped dead in my tracks looking around wildly, how could they know where I lived? Then I remembered Charlie keeping tabs on me, I decided to ignore it as I went and gathered an overnight bag. I would ignore it I had better things to worry about but the letter lay on the table growing bigger every second that passed. I was nervous and angry and curious, I was nervous to read the contents and angry that they had the audacity to contacts me after these long years and curious because it was human nature.

I reached for the envelope taking out the letter heart beating fast and nervousness all around me. I took a deep breath and begin to read. It wasn't a happy letter and it wasn't nice, it was formal and cold and insulting and it had guilt and blame and it was angry.

It made me nauseous and it twisted my gut and before long I was sobbing loudly, this letter killed all my hope and made me realize I was right about not accepting Edward love and I didn't deserve it but the worst part was that now I wanted it and needed it.

I wanted to take this guilt away that was eating me alive and I wanted to take away the notion that I couldn't be happy. I wanted to erase the coldness and bleakness; I wanted to erase every sad memory. I wanted to replace them with happy memories and I wanted them with Edward. I wanted to be the woman he deserved, I wanted to fix myself.

After sitting for hours thinking and ignoring Edwards calls I quickly called Jane, she would know what to do. She would support my choice; I could answer his calls because if I heard his voice I would break down and lose my resolve. He would want to take care of me and help me but I needed to do this alone.

I needed to face my fears.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh We're Almost close to the prologue and then maybe two more chapters before the story is complete<strong>


	13. The Coldest Winter Ever

** Here we are Back To The Prologue**

**I Won't Drag it out maybe two -three more chapters. **

* * *

><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

** *Edward***

** Winter 2000**

It was the coldest winter ever but yet he waited, he would always wait for her. Even with all the layers he wore the cold seeped through and chilled him to the bones but it was worth it to him.

Her love would be enough to warm his soul and it would be love like winter.

He should have known better oh how he should have known. He wanted to believe she would never be this mean. She never kept him waiting long and he should have paid more attention over the past weeks.

Maybe there was signs he missed and unspoken signals, he knew she was just learning to be loved. She was just accepting that she could be loved and to lean on someone.

So why did she leave? Why did she leave him cold with no warmth or explanation?

Did heartbreak have to hurt this much? Why did he have to fall in love?

He avoided love at any costs until she walked by his window and now this is where she left him.

Unbearable pain he felt like he was breaking in pieces and only if she came back and put him together.

Love was pure like the first snowfall until someone comes and makes it impure.

He gave her his heart and it felt like she took it with her, he was an empty shell.

He tried not to think back to when it became clear to him that she wasn't coming back. If only he thought if he only he didn't go to her house, if only he didn't see an empty space. No traces, no remnant of her lingered and it was like she never existed. He remembered how she had been distant with him and how he pleaded with her to let him help, ever since that night he told her he loved her and she rejected him. He was sure she would leave and the wait was unbearable but there she was coming back to him. He could tell she was crying but she wouldn't tell him why, she just shook her head and kissed him senseless.

She spent nights with him giving him no reason to have doubt and despite her not loving him back she made up for it. He could sense that she was trying and he liked that but what he liked more that she was finally happy. He could sense it and see it and feel it, it was all seasons wrapped in one and being without it was unacceptable.

She didn't accept his love but she let him love her in other ways and for some time it was enough but he wanted her to feel what he felt when he moved within her, when he couldn't get close enough and when the passion became so intense and his pleasure had him on high.

She enjoyed it…. She asked for it and she always told him it was the best she ever had, it saddened him to know she wasn't his first. Though he didn't linger on the bad but focused on the good and it all was good or so it seemed to him.

* * *

><p>"<em>I'm going to be someone who deserves you" she spoke sincerely running her fingers through my hair.<em>

_I looked at her in surprise "Bella you're everything to me" I stated truthfully._

"_I'm going to get better for you…. For myself….. I'm going to want to be loved" she said ignoring my comment._

_I let her talk because I liked the words she was speaking, I liked that she wanted this and she wanted me._

"_you should be loved and you will" I told her._

_She paused for a moment before turning towards me and staring at me intently_

"_Edward I care for you, more than I ever cared for someone and that scares me but it makes me happy and I don't know if I'll be happy down the line but I will find happiness and it will be with you. Never forget that." She said sealing her words with a kiss_

* * *

><p>Where did she go and why did she go? Why did she leave? Why did she leave me here? Why didn't she take me with her? Did I push her away? Despite her assurance that she wouldn't leave me, was it too much for her to handle?<p>

He needed answers, he wanted answers but no one could give him answers and it seemed no one wanted to. Ben was surprised and shocked as he was but he thought Jane would know. She seemed to but was reluctant to tell him.

He was angry then so angry. She had lied to him. She had manipulated him in some way.

The anger lasted for a few minutes before he was drowned in an acute sadness and it spread through his heart, the heart he gave to her.

He was sure she wouldn't leave, he was so sure and now he had to face the truth and it hurt. It crushed him bringing him down on his knees.

He wanted to hate her for what she did to him, oh he wanted to bring her the same pain but he couldn't and he wouldn't. The hate couldn't live in his heart for long before love washed it away, he loved her to the point that he was sure his heart would burst and through the pain he would still love her.

Yet he wasn't sure love existed anymore, he wasn't sure he existed and for a moment he didn't want to exist

How could love not exist?

He was winter cold, heart like ice and one more move and it could shatter.

He sat in silence.

It was Silence that haunted him and taunted him.

There were no giggles or laughs_, _there were no good times

No color just a blank canvas of hurt and more hurt.

He couldn't stand to look out the window, there was no reason to.

No reason.

No glimpse of red flaming hair.

No reason for the sun to shine.

No reason for the birds to sing.

He boarded up the window shrouding him in darkness

It was the coldest winter ever.

* * *

><p><strong>I Know we were making so much progress but you'll understand soon.<strong>

**I Think after this and my other story is complete i'll take a break from writing or just write one-shots. We'll See**

**Comments?**


	14. I Forgive Myself

**No i don't own twilight but i do own this story line and every single word written came from my brain.**

**Oh is anyone still reading this? it's been so long but this shall be finished soon maybe two or three chapters left.**

**Thanks to GaellelovesMax For Beta Work, It Looks So Much when she's done with it.**

**So to recap: Edward Tells Bella he loves her and she doesn't accept it. Bella recives a letter from her parents after four years basically mad at her for telling about that night and making her feel bad. they tell her she doesn't deserve the life she has at the moment, so after she reads it she decides to stick up for herself and get the closure she needs and she books a flight back to forks but also leaving Edward Behind.**

**Okay on to the story!**

* * *

><p>I sit in the car on the old street watching the old house that's so familiar to me. I can see a younger me running up and down the street, chasing friends. All the times I spent on the porch with the creaky swing and flowers surrounding everything. It looks the same but it's different. The house is painted a lighter shade of brown and the swing is no longer there, but the porch is remolded to resemble a patio. The flowers are still there. I feel angry and then sick when I see on the curb the car that haunted my dreams. I swear I can still see the specks of blood on the hood and window.<p>

I'm angry that they removed the swing. It was a reminder of good times that were less in number but they happened. The nausea smothers the anger a bit and I'm stuck in my seat thinking of running away. But a small hand touches mine in reassurance, and I turn to see Alice staring at me in concern. Though we've only known each other for a small time I'm glad that she's here.

I'm still surprised that she's here. When I made my decision, my thoughts immediately went to her. I still had the number she left. When she answered and quickly agreed, I was surprised and my guilt increased. I should have at least called her. But she was understanding, telling me that it was a lot to spring upon me, and when she asked me why, I had to tell her. It was the least I could do. And she listened to my sad story and it felt good talking to someone else besides my friends and Edward.

* * *

><p>She made it so much better, she was angry on my behalf and she cried with me for my loss. She didn't judge me but accepted me and that's when I accepted her, too. I didn't want any reminder of my parents but she was one reminder I was glad to have. She let me stay with her and her fiancé Jasper and promised to be there for me, a promise she kept. She knew it would be hard because she had the displeasure of meeting our parents, our dad. She told me Renée hated her and the feeling was mutual.<p>

Charlie was apologetic about not wanting to see her before, wanting to keep her a secret of the mistake he made. She took it all in stride, not being in the least bothered. She was happy with the family she already had and the father she was raised by. She told me DNA does not play a role in being a parent but it's their actions.

It's something I remember Edward telling me and I smile at the memory before dropping my smile and feeling that part of me I left behind. I'm doing this for me but mostly for us so I can be worthy of his love and because I want to be loved. It's time that I deserve love and happiness.

"You can always come back when you're ready," Alice says softly.

I sigh. "I'll never be ready but I need to do this and stop being afraid."

She nods. "Do you want me to stay here or...?" she asks.

"No, come, please," I almost beg.

It's mostly because I don't want to face this alone even though I need to, but also because Alice is my sister and she should be included. We leave the car in silence, walking up the path to the old familiar house. It feels weird knocking on the door because I feel like a stranger and it shouldn't be this way. There are a few minutes of silence and then footsteps heading toward the door before it opens slowly.

Charlie aged a bit since the last time I've seen him. He has specks of grey in his hair and his mustache is bushier. The aging shows on his face so much when he sees me and Alice standing in front of him. He looks from Alice to me and stares in shock, wordlessly.

"Hey, Charlie, can we come in?" It's Alice who speaks first and I'm grateful for her presence again.

"What are you doing here?" He finally whispers.

It's this that makes me speak and get over my fear. I'm angry that he has the nerve to ask me that when not too long ago he tracked me and sent me a letter.

"That's all you have to say, Charlie?" I say.

He jerks. "Watch your tone. I'm still your father," he manages to say.

I laugh in disbelief. "You no longer have that title and you don't deserve for me to address you by it," I say calmly.

"I think we should have this conversation inside," Alice intervenes.

"You can't come in," he tells her while looking at me.

I'm not hurt, just very angry and suffocating in it. The fact that he's using his stance as a father when he has never wanted to be a parent in the first place, and the fact that he makes it seem like I'm in the wrong and still treats me harshly are the last straw.

"I don't want to come in. What I want is for you and your wife to stop contacting me and for you to stop tracking me when you have no right. That letter was uncalled for. And for you to tell me what I deserve and don't deserve, you have no place in my life and no place in my happiness!" I say, shouting now.

Everything bursts forth from deep within me, all the things I've ever wanted to say and should have said before. Though I'm glad that he looks stunned, it's still not enough for me. I want Renée to hear what I have to say. They both deserve the heat of my anger and to feel the consequences of their wrong doings in my life.

"I still think we should take this inside, Bella," Alice whispers.

There's the sound of a car pulling up to the house and the slam of a door and we turn to see Renée walking up the steps. She stops and we both stare at each other. She's still the same, she doesn't seem to age, but maybe because she had work done. She's always been about appearances and beautifying herself.

"You!" is the first word out of her mouth, addressing me as if I don't matter, as if my name isn't important. And it's true. I've never been important enough for her, not even enough for her to want me.

"Yes, it's me, your daughter that you abandoned and then had the nerve to contact, only to bring her down again," I reply, walking towards her.

I want to yell and make her feel the way I feel, hurt her the way she hurt me but I don't because seeing her now, how happy she seems, happy without me, it makes me wonder why she couldn't be happy with me.

"Why?" I whisper.

She looks confused but I see in her eyes that she knows what I mean and doesn't want to answer.

"Why?" she asks back.

"Why wasn't I enough?" I ask, hating how small I sound.

"I wanted a baby but just not at that time, and then you came and ruined everything. You ruined my life and if I wasn't happy, you didn't deserve to be," she says honestly and pushes past me.

I'm standing still, looking from Alice to Renée retreating back and to Charlie's stunned face. I didn't expect this to happen. I didn't expecting her to tell me the truth. And it's true that the truth can hurt. She makes it seem like I was a burden instead of a gift. To me, children are a blessing and the first priority is their happiness.

"That's the saddest and most selfish answer I ever heard," Alice finally speaks.

She's glaring at Renee and the expression on her face makes me feel so much better.

"Charlie didn't want me and it may seem sad, but the best thing he's ever done was to let me live with my mom so she could find someone else that would love both of us equally. The best thing that could have happened to Bella was you giving her up to someone else. At least she would have known and been loved, and maybe that horrible accident would never have occurred. Those parents would never have blamed her and abandoned her when she needed them the most. You despise me and I hope you never have children," Alice finishes, glaring at them both and then she walks down the steps, pulling me along.

Hearing those words fills me with pride to have her as a sister and I'm not hurt at Renée's words like I should be. She doesn't want me but someone else does and his opinion matters more than anyone else. It's not my fault at all, it's all on them. It's not because I'm not good enough or don't deserve to be loved. It's the closure I needed.

"Thank you for being honest. And I forgive you," I say, surprising even myself.

"Forgive us? For what?" Charlie asks, not understanding.

"It takes too much to hate you, and if you didn't push me away, I would still be miserable living here with you, and I would have never found someone who makes me happy. I make him happy and that's all I can ask for. So, thank you," I say, smiling and following Alice to the car, leaving them stunned.

"Bella, I'm proud of you, and even though I wouldn't have forgiven them, I'm glad you did," Alice says.

"I'm done feeling any other way than feeling happy, and finally knowing the truth makes it better at least," I say.

She smiles. "You know you're stronger than you think. You lived with this for four years but it never brought you down and I'm glad you decided to do this," she says, looking out the car window.

We are parked in front of the Denali's house and the nervousness I feel isn't because of fear. I only hope they let me stay long enough to explain. If they don't forgive me, then I'm okay with that because for the first time I have forgiven myself.

I think about Edward and how he would feel knowing I'm here, and how they would feel knowing about me and Edward. I miss him terribly and a few times I find myself wanting to call him and beg him to come with me. I want him holding my hand through this and it makes sense, but it's better this way. And I hope that when I come back, he will still be there waiting.

* * *

><p><strong>So will the Denali's Forgive her and will edward still be there waiting?<strong>

**i won't write out the whole meeting the denali's but i'll give some details.**

**I HOPE to get the next chapter to you Tomorrow or Saturday and if not then Monday night.**


	15. He Felt Hope

**Okay We have One More Chapter Left And An Epilouge.**

**Twilight Speaks For Itself.**

* * *

><p>He stares at the screen on the phone.<p>

One missed call and Zero unread messages.

The phone call doesn't matter to him right now and in time he'll return the call but for now he'll try to close the hole left in his heart.

The Hole gets wider and wider each passing second she's away and the one week feels like months.

The silence in the house used to bother him but now he reveals in it somehow it makes him feel alive, it's a reminder that before the silence there was noise. There was laughter and there were voices…. There was that one voice that's committed to memory.

That one voice he hoped to hear again if only but all he had was silence and his thoughts, he wished for anything even if it was an excuse or explanation of why what they had failed.

Though his heart fills heavy a part of him can't help but think it's all a dream, a big misunderstanding so he goes about his day filled with nothing and void of happiness. He wakes up every day from his bad dreams and puts on a smile as he goes about his day.

Every morning he goes to the gym with ben before making his way to work, he thought it would take his mind off the pain and it would erase the darkness he's surrounded by. He was approached and offered a job teaching different level art classes, it was his happy place but it was tainted with his urge to paint. His urge to paint her and only her, his urge to never forget the color of her eyes, the shape of her lips the curve of her hip, the beginning of her smile and the color of her skin.

After work he would meet Jane and ben for dinner , it was out of obligation he went and sometimes he would think they would fill him in on her whereabouts or anything. He felt that it was out of pity they included him but he didn't complain for the simple reason he didn't mind it and he felt that much closer to her.

That was before he could take the pity and glances and Jane's knowing eyes, they told him she may know all the answers. Just knowing that filled him with anger and he couldn't stand spending time with her, the anger filled the void inside and carried him on with enough strength to get through the day.

Just enough for hours on end … Just enough to make him forget, just enough was all he needed.

* * *

><p>Except for the times he found himself walking on towards the park, his legs carrying him towards the bench and his mind replaying scenes of times spent here. Every time he would find himself in this place his eyes would find couples in bliss, they seemed to come out of nowhere and fill the park with their happiness.<p>

He hated it and he hated them and he tried and tried to hate her but he never could.

He wallowed in the cold and bitterness of the wind of the cold unforgiving season; he didn't mind this season anymore it catered to his unfortunate state. He didn't mind not hearing the song of the birds or the howl of the winds. He didn't mind the empty branches on the trees and the sunless sky with clouds of grey. This was his world now cold daunting and grey an empty space filled with pain resignation and hope but it seemed that pain and resignation were winning over.

He knew it wouldn't be easy moving on (something he dreaded) but here with reminders of her and where her presence was the strongest it was grueling and he was drowning in her memories. He should be stronger because he knows he can get through this just like with Tanya's death, some would say her death was worse but to him losing love made death seem tame and with a sad smile his mind wanders over his last days with Tanya and the conversation they had shared.

* * *

><p><em>The weather was cool but the wind chilled them, they sat on the steps bundled up in warmth saying nothing at all but the silence spoke for them. There was small tension in the air tinted with awkwardness and a small bout of guilt and unhappiness. The young boy turned to look at the young girl sitting with him as she in turn looked away down the street at the unseen, she looked at ease but he knew better and he watched the subtle hints of her discomfort. The shakiness of her legs and the extra space she left between them, it was all the signs he needed and he would have felt sympathy if he wasn't feeling the same way.<em>

_This young girl was his best friend since child-hood and she's been with him through everything, he's been there for her firsts and last and the good and bad but now he thinks something small and trivial is threatening to break them apart. He watches waiting to see any signs of the silence breaking but it never ends and he's frustrated._

"_Is this how it will be from now on?" He asks._

_She shifts a bit but doesn't turn around "it's whatever you want it to be" she answers._

_He groans frustrated "come on that's not fair" he says._

"_Life never is" she counters._

_He stands up abruptly " Don't punish me for how I feel Tanya I would never do that to you, I'll admit I was wrong in underestimating your feelings but I'll rather have nothing then lose our friendship" he says walking down the steps._

_There's movement behind him and she flies down the steps and stops in front of him, she has a trail of tears down her face and he tries to ignore the way it makes him feel._

"_You're right and I'm sorry for putting our friendship on the line it's just hard to pretend I don't feel what I feel it wouldn't be right and I guess I was angry because I see how those girls view you and you seem to like it but with me it's not the same" she says softly._

_She shifts her weight forward as she waits for him to speak but he doesn't know what to say to make this better._

"_I don't know what you want me to say… well I do but it's not what you want to hear" he says._

"_What makes them better than me? What is it that will get you to see?" she asks._

"_Nothing Tanya god yes I enjoy the attention but those girl hold nothing for me…. I haven't found any way that I would want to share those feelings with, you're my best friend and always will be and if you can't accept that…." He trails off._

_He doesn't want to finish the sentence he doesn't want to end on a bad note. He wants her to tell him it doesn't matter what they both feel because their friendship is more important._

"_So it's not about looks?" she finally asks._

_He looks at her in all her glory, her strawberry blonde sleek hair, hazel eyes, small dimples, and body of a woman. He knows she's beautiful but it's not the beauty on the outside that attracts him and it's not her beauty._

"_No that's hardly the problem Tanya" he answers warily._

_She nods looking resigned "it would be wrong for me to force these feelings on you and it would be wrong for you to expect us to still be friends" she says slowly._

_His heart beats double time and he moves forward as she takes a step back shaking her head, the tears trail slowly down her cheek and he's not surprised to find his face wet also._

"_I won't settle for less, it sounds ungrateful but friendship is not enough and I won't settle for what I don't deserve and neither should you" she says in between sobs._

_He ignores her protests and embraces her for the last time, she clings to him and he savors the feelings of her in his arms. He would let her go because he understood and when time passed he would come back because that's what friends did._

* * *

><p>He comes back to the present bringing fresh tears but storing those words to memory, he goes to his room taking down every painting on his wall. This wasn't healthy; he put down the paintings on the floor chest heaving with emotions before picking one up and tearing it in half. It felt so good so he continued with each painting until the floor was littered with different body parts he had to memory.<p>

He felt a great weight lift but it was short lived and he panicked when he saw the destruction, he bent down to pick up the tore paintings trying to put them back together but he didn't have any tape or glue to hold them. Frustration turned to anger which turned to sadness and he slid on the floor letting the tears fall thickly.

He stays that way as the sky outside darkens and surrounds him in complete darkness, he doesn't move completely drained emotionally until he hears the shrill ring of the phone. He's too tired to move and he doesn't think anyone of importance is calling, it rings on and on and the unbidden art of his mind thinks maybe it is of importance and he rushes to the phone filled with a new feeling. He reaches the phone in time and takes a deep breath before picking it up.

"Hello" he says cautiously.

"Baby boy" he hears his mother's voice.

His shoulders slump in defeat as the new feeling leaves him though he can't help but admit it feels good to hear her voice.

"I know I've been ignoring your calls but I needed time….. I still need time" he says miserably.

"I know and that's why I'm calling, I know it's been hard and I wanted to put your mind at ease" she says.

He smiles sadly "Thanks mom but I don't think you can help me" he says.

"I think I can" she says with caution.

The new feeling comes back in small doses "Mom what is it?" he asks.

"Isabella is here…. Here in forks "she answers after a beat.

His heart beats triple time at the mention of her name and its painful, his mind swirls with confusion.

"Why?" he asks miserably.

"A lot of reasons but the main reason is because she needed to, she needed to get closure with her past" she answers.

It makes sense but then it doesn't, he's filed with anger that she didn't tell him and that she left without a word. She didn't come to him for help or comfort; he would have gone with her.

"She didn't tell me…. She left without any explanation and I could have gone with her!" he yells into the phone.

An unwelcome thought seeps into his mind…. What if she didn't want him to come… she didn't want him at all.

"I know sweetie but you have to understand" his mother begin.

"She doesn't want me….. She doesn't love me" he choked out ignoring what she said.

He now understood how Tanya felt when he didn't feel the same, he hated when she ended their friendship but he understood so much better now.

The realization was startling and the pain accompanying it pulled him down.

* * *

><p>"Edward no listen to me, I talked to Isabella and you can choose to believe what you want but I would never lie to make you feel better don't doubt her love, it's something new to her and it's scary but she loves you very much. She didn't leave with the intention of never coming back; she just needed to take this journey on her own and didn't think you would understand. Though she went about it the wrong way and I'm sorry you had to get hurt in the process" she rushes on explaining to him.<p>

He grips the phone tightly in his hand trying to beat back the new feeling threatening to take over, his mother's word provides some comfort and some of his questions are answered.

"It's something… thank you esme" he says slowly.

"I love you and that includes Isabella now, I've gotten to know her much better and I have to say she is stronger than she knows and you have made a great impact on her. She's much better off and it's because of you sweetie" she says proudly.

"I want to believe it I mean I know you wouldn't lay but I need to hear it from her mouth and…. I'm not sure when that will happen if it will" he says.

"I understand and I'm sure it will I have faith"

He's quiet he doesn't know what to say because he's lost that faith and he's not sure what it feels like anymore.

"We went to see Tanya yesterday" she's talking again.

He smiles he was thinking about Tanya and it would be good to go back and see her, he hasn't been there in years.

"Your father, Rosalie, and Isabella went with me… it was the most surreal moment" she talking again.

He stops not sure if he heard her correctly; he wants to make sure to be absolutely sure.

"Bella?" he questions.

"Yes she finally forgave herself, I think it helped her especially after the talk with the Denali's" there's a small in her voice.

"She spoke to them?" I whisper in disbelief.

"It was fear and guilt that kept her from doing this well that and her parents but I guess she was tired of running. I spoke with them before she came when we got back from visiting you; I felt it was my duty to tell them. They are the best people forgiving without a thought and that's what she needed, she needed that mercy as much as they needed to hear her apology"

He sits on the floor absorbing the information and he's crying its happy tears this time because despite everything he feels happy. He feels happy for her and he feels proud that she faced her demons on her own, he can't begrudge her that and his heart swells with even more love for her, she visited Tanya's grave something he was too afraid to do but she was braver than him.

That act told him more than he needed to know, Isabella was good through and through. He knew it from the first moment and now she's solidifying it, he wishes she was here so he can tell her. He wishes she knew what that act meant for him.

"I'm proud of her esme I just wish she knew"

"She wills I'll make sure of that, listen I have to go make dinner but your father and sister wants to speak"

"You hold onto her son and you never let go" Carlisle said as soon as he was handed the phone.

"I will…. If she lets me"

"I've always liked her from the first moment, she pulled you out of that darkness and made you whole and I can never thank her enough. It was hard losing you to the darkness and being helpless to pull you out but she did it and you did the same for her. I always hoped you would find someone that means what your mother means to me "

"I know and I don't blame you at all, you did what you could to help me. Thank you" he said with a real smile on his face.

"Hang in there son, here's your sister"

* * *

><p>"Edward!" rose exclaims.<p>

"Petal!" he exclaims.

He doesn't know where it came from but it fits her so much. He's smiling now without even trying and it doesn't hurt.

"You didn't answer when I called" she says sounding sad.

"I know and I'll make up for it" he says.

"I hung out with Bella yesterday and today!" she says excitedly.

At the mention of her name he can't help but smile and smile again.

"Mom told me she went to see Tanya with you, did you go again today?"

"She did and she was sad but we went again without her and then she came over to see me"

"She did? Did you have fun?"

"Yeah and she let me play with her hair and we baked a cake!"

Her excitement is infectious.

"She's with you now?"

He's scared to ask his real question.

"No she had to leave, to go back home to you but she's coming back and I told her to bring you!"

His heart is ready to leap out his chest and the new feeling becomes stronger. He grips the phone tighter.

"She's coming back?" he whispers.

"Yes she said she had to go home because you were waiting and I miss her already but she gave me her number so I can call sometimes"

He's unable to control the new feeling and it surrounds his heart and warms his soul. He repeats those words in his head like a prayer.

_She had to go home to you, because you were waiting._

She was coming back and at last he could feel again.

He felt hope.

* * *

><p><strong>I Could have posted this way before time but at last my brain develops plot bunnies and when i get started on a new story my mind won't stray except this time i haven't even started the new story.<strong>

**So This Chapter hurt to write but i'm glad it's out of the way.**

**I Want to complete this story and mark complete another story i know i won;t finish or pull it down before starting to post the new fic.**

**So when this completes I'll have The Town And Redemption To Work With. And don't worry i hope to get a nw chapter of the town out tomorrow.**

**P.S I''ve seen this story attract some new readers but no reviews other than Lisa ( Lisa I Love you Like Whoa) If you're reading comment and let me know, you don't have to review every chapter but one would be nice.**

**I ADORE EVERY SINGLE READER**

**M**


	16. She came back

**Oh Yes, Finally An Update!**

**So sorry for the long wait... Real life got in the way**

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><p><strong>Bella<strong>

I watched the window as we took off passing by clouds and a clear sky. We were moving which meant I was on my way back home, on my way back to Edward. The butterflies were back and nervousness engulfed me, yes I was going back but I didn't know what I would come back to.

I knew bits and pieces from talking to Jane and it seemed like he was doing well but I knew better and I hoped I was right. Ben told me the truth, he knew Edward was a mess back home and he was hurting. I had second guessed me decision so much and Jane tried to assure me it was fine.

Alice understood, she told me jasper let her go on her own to finally meet Charlie and to come find me. She understood I needed to go through this on my own and I did just with the help of Alice. Alice was just perfect taking everything in stride; she was my pusher and enabler during this trip. I didn't think it would take this long but I couldn't leave Alice so soon.

We spend enough time together for me to know she was someone I wanted in my life and as crazy as it seems I'm glad Charlie cheated on my mother. It sounds mean to say but I'm glad to have Alice and glad for the circumstances that brought her to me. I'm also grateful for Carlisle and esme; they were instrumental in my talk with Tanya's parents. I thought they would hate me for hurting their son but they never uttered one word.

They were there for me when I faced the hardest part of my journey, I wish I could say it was easy but it wasn't. It took a while for me to be able to even enter the graveyard let alone talk to her as if she was alive but I did and it made me feel lighter.

The Denali's were something else and I wish I would have had their strength and their heart. I was staggered when they forgave me so easily but more so when they cried for me. They cried for the childhood I lost and I cried for the childhood I took away.

* * *

><p><em>Irina Denali Clutched my hand tightly in hers letting her last tears fall, Peter Denali sat across from her crying so hard he couldn't speak.<em>

_I told myself I would not waste another tear and that I would be strong but the relief I felt at their forgiveness was so much and I could not hold it in. these were happy tears and sad tears mixed but it was mostly relief._

"_Thank you so much" Irina whispered choked with emotion._

"_Why are you thanking me? I should be thankful so thankful you don't hate me" I replied confused._

_I would be forever grateful to them for the great burden they have lifted from my shoulders._

"_Thank you for not letting it control you, I know you had hard years but here you are standing strong. It destroyed us and almost tore us apart, we were in a bad place and then esme called us and it was like a light at the end of the tunnel. We were in the dark for so long… we never knew why and who… and now we know. I just can't blame you…. I can only thank you for being strong enough to survive and come give us peace…" she finished in a shuddering breath._

"_It's all I ever wanted…. Peace and to finally be forgiven but I forgave myself and to be given your mercy….. It's something I'll always carry with me…" I said with difficultly._

_The tears came harder but I let her pull me into a comforting hug and I held on tight, I felt safe and assured and maybe loved. This woman was not my mother but here she sat hugging the person who took her daughters life away when my own mother shunned me. _

_She had more heart than Renée._

* * *

><p>The plane finally landed and I rushed off glad to be back home but I was nervous so very nervous and I didn't know what state I would find my friends in or Edward. Just thinking about him had my heart racing and a smile morphing on my face.<p>

It was easier to think maybe just maybe because the disappointment would be worse. I wanted to call him but I knew I needed to see him face to face. I kept the fact that he loved me fore-front in my mind because I didn't know what I would do if he stopped.

I just knew how he made me feel, made me feel tall and surrounded by happiness. There was no weight holding me down and now I was truly free to be happy, to let myself feel happy and this time I would let him make me happy. I would let him love me because I could see how much love transformed a person.

I knew I was in love with him when it mattered to me what he thought, when he broke down my walls and I was too weak to put them up and I realized I wanted him to break down my walls. I wanted him to fill the empty space inside my heart that was meant for him.

I wanted us to be the canvas and our love to paint the pictures; I wanted to be the reason again. The reason for the changes of his season and the reason the birds sing. I wanted to feel his eyes on me, his hands on my skin. I wanted earth shattering all-consuming it's too good to be true love.

I wanted sex on fire, him filling me deep connecting us together as one and the feel of him warm and sturdy around me. I wanted raw and primal, I wanted him to possess me completely. I wanted him to leave his mark right over my heart make it deeply embedded so I'll never forget.

I was surprised but so happy to see Jane and ben waiting for me when I left the airport. There were no words needed I just ran full force throwing my weight into a hug. She held me tight saying nothing at all but saying so much.

Ben threw me in the air catching me in a bear hug and I laughed loudly feeling on top of the world. He put me down and whispered two words that had me in tears.

"Welcome home"

They meant so much to me because I could never call forks my home…. My home was here with him and Jane…. Home was wherever he was.

Edward.

I looked to them quickly wanting to explain that I would love to stay with them but I needed to get to Edward. I needed to let him know I was back…. And it was permanent.

I didn't need to explain at all they rushed me in a cab and I was finally on my way.

On My way Back to Him.

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><p><strong>I Decided one more chapter after this and then the epilogue and then an out-take.<strong>

**So what will Edward say now that shes back?**


	17. I'm Home

**Oh The End Is Here.**

**Twilight stands on Its own.**

**Last Regular Chapter Before The Epilogue and Outtake.**

* * *

><p>He wakes up grateful to live another day with the remnants of a dream replaying in his head. It had felt so real, he could feel her wrapped in his arms and he could feel the smoothness of her skin. He could smell her fresh scent, it was a sensory overload and he never wanted to wake up.<p>

He tells himself he must get through the day and maybe more until she comes back, he firmly hoped this feeling in his gut was right and she would be back soon. He still replayed Rosalie's word every second of the day; they were his salvation and answers to his unspoken prayers.

His world wasn't colorless anymore he could still remember black and white with just a touch of grey but also he could remember red and amber and soft pink and pale ivory on a backdrop. He could stand to hear sounds; he could stand to remember every laugh and every word spoken.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

He washes and dresses quickly with a burst of energy he believed was long gone and he welcomes it. He doesn't lock himself up anymore he walks to the door and lets the sunshine back in; the air is warm and refreshing as he walks and walks until he ends up at the diner. He doesn't flinch at the sudden onslaught of memories but reveals in them and enters the diner.

He sits and eats at the same table but he doesn't stay long and on his way to the gym he passes by the park imagining he can see her there sitting on the bench. He imagines her smiling and welcoming the attention and her laugh echoes all around. He imagines and makes new memories to replace the sad ones.

He doesn't stay long at the gym but find himself standing in front of the art museum his hands itching to feel the weight of a paintbrush, to feel the texture of paint and with that in mind he strides inside.

They welcome him back with open arms and their smiles make him smile, he stays and critiques and picks up a brush only to put I back down. He's not completely ready to paint again and he doesn't know when he will be ready ever again.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

When the phone rings he is quick to answer only to be slightly disappointed it's not who he thought it would be. Still he answers in a good mood talking and talking for a few hours to his family.

"So I was thinking" Esme said with excitement in her voice.

"Something simple I hope" he replied teasing.

"I was thinking instead of us coming to you, you could come here but I'm not sure when. I know Bella wouldn't want to come back so quickly so I'll give it a month or two..." Esme continued.

His heart sped up at the mention of her but he didn't know what esme meant.

"Mom, she's not here but that's fine because I won't give up hope" He answered calmly.

"Edward she should have landed by now, give her time to settle in" Esme said sighing.

He gripped the phone tightly in his hands and let these new feelings run through his veins and settle in his chest.

"She's here? She's really here?" He asked praying for the strength to accept her answer.

"Of course, call her "Esme answered before hanging up.

* * *

><p>He dragged the phone with him as he paced around trying to think of a reason he should call her. He thought she would have called by now and the uncertainty made him sad but he couldn't let it bring him down.<p>

He pressed the first number as he walked forward to the door, the sun was getting brighter now and it warmed him from the outside. He dialed the next four numbers as he walked towards the window to open it and let the sun in but what he saw made him drop the phone and just stare.

At that exact moment he could hear the birds chirp excitedly, he looked outside wordlessly as she walked towards the house her gaze fixated on the door. His heart was racing faster now and the feeling of hope washed over him, he watched as the wind blew softly at her making her hair fly and her clothes fly out behind her.

He didn't notice his feet moving away from the window until he found himself at the front door, he opened it slowly and walked out to the heat of summer. She was still walking towards him and she was smiling.

She looked up at the sound of movement and his heart stopped when she looked directly at him, there were no words uttered she just stared as a range of emotions flitted across her face that he recognized as his own.

Hope, Longing, and Happiness.

There was a length of silence and then she was walking faster until she begins to run and he moved forward as well taking tiny cautious steps.

She ran and ran towards him and he didn't think there was a more beautiful sight than what he was seeing until she stood right in front of him.

He held a trembling hand out to touch her but she moved closer throwing her weight into him, she wrapped arms and legs around him tightly and clung heavily as she cried happy tears.

The momentum had knocked him backwards but he held on to her not daring to let go just breathing in her scent feeling that warmth settle inside of him. He didn't notice his tears until he felt a shudder roll through him and he couldn't stop.

He grabbed her face and kissed every inch except for her lips he didn't think he could handle that yet. Hands were roaming everywhere touching and feeling, pulling and pushing needing to feel this reality.

He held her in his arms and she opened her eyes wide staring back at him, the intensity of her stare filled him with adrenaline he felt as if he could burst from the love coursing through him.

He rested his head against her forehead breathing in her air feeling her close and yet not close enough until she pressed her lips against his and he almost dropped her surprised. He pulled her closer moving his lips in rhythm with hers feeling dizzy but never wanting to stop.

* * *

><p>She tasted of sweet longing and salty tears and citrus, he kissed her back greedily putting every thought and feeling into the kiss and finding that it still wasn't enough.<p>

He wanted to consume her body heart and soul and live in the moment forever.

She pulled back staring at him in wonder before resting against him breathing heavily. He had so much to say but he knew words wouldn't be enough. He waited for her to speak to say something and promise that this wasn't temporary but permanent.

"I'm home" she whispered against his chest her words vibrating all around leaving an echo to fill the hole she left.

He opened his mouth to speak to let her know what those words meant to him when she kissed him right above his heart putting her hand over it sealing the hole forever.

**XXXXXXXXXXXX**

He shook with the effort of holding himself still as he buried himself inside of her warmth, there was heat and tightness and it welcomed him home clenching around him. He looked down at her splayed before him exposed in everything.

His lips found hers and he moved inside of her slowly and slowly until he picked up speed urged on by her cries. He never felt more connected to her than now as he kissed her in between her breast.

"I'm home" he whispered feeling her shudder beneath him.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"I Love You"

"I love YOU"

He smiled letting her words penetrate his mind body and soul taking a mental snapshot of her in this moment.

He took her hand in his pulling her along quickly he didn't want to miss the show and he had a surprise to show her. He walked with a spring in his step and a song in his heart.

This wasn't him feeling happy it would be too easy no this was him having happiness and not many could say that.

The museum was crowded for the first time ever in history. So many art collectors and art directors came to see his exhibits but he wasn't nervous about them. Their opinion was just a bonus; the only opinion that mattered was hers.

He held his hands over her eyes positioning her in front of the painting waiting a beat before letting go. He watched her adjust before letting out a gasp that attracted everyone's attention.

She let her eyes wander to the young woman walking up a path in a background of sunshine, she let her eyes wander to the next one where she could see a young man staring at the young woman with thick emotions as she put her lips over his heart and she read the words painted over it in light colors feeling tears trickle down her face.

She felt her breath catch as she found the last painting wondering if she ever saw anything so erotic so beautiful in her life. She saw the couple drenched in sweat in the middle of passion, the woman's head throw back caught up in the middle of an orgasm and the young man leaning over her with lips at her heart whispering the words painted next to him.

_I'm Home_

She looked back at him in this moment having finally achieved the happiness she never thought she would deserve.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank You Thank You!<strong>

**For taking this journey with me and Thank You For every review and story alert.**

**Thank YOU Lisa, Thank You Wife for your thoughtful words and love just love. This Will Always Have A Special place with me because it brought me you.**

**And thanks to anyone who may have read and it may not have been your cup of tea, Thank you for giving this a chance.**

**Thank You Readers for being My Happiness.**


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